The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: HEB Re-Usable Grocery Bag (4/19/2025)

There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon.

We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with a grading rubric to judge and rate giveaways at Q2 stadium. It’s a very simple system for very simple items, everything is graded 1-100 with 5 points possible for the Look, Usability, and Originality categories. An additional 85 points are available for the Throwability category.

Final Rankings:

1-24 – Not worth the effort of grabbing from the attendant

25-49 – No one will be heartbroken by not getting the item, nor will they be sad when they accidentally leave it at the stadium

50-74 – A perfectly cromulent giveaway item

75-99 – An item to cherish and display

100 – Reserved for a Rodney Redes bobblehead

Now, let’s get to the Giveaway:

HEB Re-usable Grocery Bag (4/19/2025 vs. LA Galaxy)

Look: It’s Verde and the HEB logo is a classic

The actual Austin logo looks hilariously small and like the design wasn’t proofed before printing.

Score: 3 out of 5

Usability: Re-usable grocery bags are always useful, whether they’re to hold actual groceries, food/drinks for a party, or dirty clothes coming back from the dirty “Lake.”

Score: 5 out of 5

Originality: Austin FC handed out a Black version of this item last year (and it was better).

Score: 1 out of 5

Throwability: It’s a thin plastic bag, it holds things, which means its as throwable as whatever is in it, for me, the decider of throwability, I opted to put all the giveaways from this season, OF WHICH THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY, and it was moderately throwable.

In the stadium before, during, and after the Austin FC win over LA Galaxy, I asked a few trusted friends “Is the club taunting me by making this packaging so throwable?” and they all answered with a resounding “yes.” I am well aware the Front Office reads the blog, and while it’s unclear if coach Nico Estevez is a fan like Josh Wolff, I am making a special plea for a future: next giveaway can former Austin FC player and current FO member Ethan Finlay come and play catch with me. Please everyone help make #TF9PlaysCatchwithEthanFinlay trend.

Score: 70 out of 85

Final Score: 79 out of 100

Ranking of Giveaways (score in parenthesis):

Yeti Season Ticket Holder Gift (98)

Yeti 10 oz Tumbler (96)

LED Bracelet Giveaway (95)

Dell Technologies/Intel Bucket hat (92)

Dell Technologies Fanny Pack (91)

Heineken Koozie (86)

4ATX Foundation/SeatGeek Fan (85)

SeatGeek Stadium Scarf (85)

Q2 Stadium Scarf (84)