Yesterday was an historic day for Austin FC in many ways. It was the club’s first playoff match, their first home playoff match, the first time a match at Q2 went into Extra Time, the first time a match went to penalty kicks, and the first time Austin FC won a match on penalty kicks.
It also marked the first time our shirt sponsor gave out one of their products to nearly half of the stadium, which was fairly handy considering we were warned to re-use plastic cups because they were running low.
For those unfamilar with this process, we here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with a grading rubric to judge and rate giveaways at Q2 stadium. It’s a very simple system for very simple items, everything is graded 1-100 with 5 points possible for the Look, Usability, and Originality categories. An additional 85 points are available for the Throwability category.
1-24 – Not worth the effort of grabbing from the attendant
25-49 – No one will be heartbroken by not getting the item, nor will they be sad when they accidentally leave it at the stadium
50-74 – A perfectly cromulent giveaway item
75-99 – An item to cherish and display
100 – Reserved for a Rodney Redes bobblehead
Yeti 10 Oz. Tumbler (10/16/2022 vs. Real Salt Lake)
Look: It’s sleek, it’s black, it’s commemorative for a historic match, and it didn’t use the “AHLM” playoff motto.
Score: 5 out of 5
Usability: Size Matters, it being 10 oz limits the functionality for use as it doesn’t fit a standard beverage can size and may only be useful for mixed drinks or expresso shots (something everyone at the match needed this morning).
Score: 3 out of 5
Originality: As far as we can tell there has never been a Yeti Cup giveaway at a sporting event before, but they are fairly ubiquitous as corporate giveaways so it can’t be seen as overly original.
Score: 3 out of 5
Throwability: This was a tough challenge because…it’s such a great giveaway. I didn’t want to throw it, I hoarded mine behind me in the supporter’s section like I was Smaug and it was a pile of dwarven treasure. I noticed other people who weren’t this protective and wondered if they were going to regret their choices at the end of the match (or if some clearly terrible human would steal them). I waited to do a throwability test back at the Compound where we got into a game of catch as the staff collectively shared their experiences at the match.
It was a nerve-racking time (not, down 2-0 to RSL at home nerve-racking or anything) but, it was clear and obvious this was the best giveaway of the season, and would put our methodology to the test.
While playing catch one of the chickens stared at me in the way only a sentient being with hatred in their heart could stare at another living thing. It spread its wings and started to approach. I was holding the cup in my hand, a solid metal object that was conveniently shaped like a bullet and naturally put my hand into position to throw it like a football, and stared right back into its beady little eyes, arm at the ready before it turned and backed away. It was at this moment that I realized the power of the Yeti Cup, for even the chickens intrinsically knew that this is more than a receptacle for liquids to remain hot or cold, but also….dangerous.
Score: 85 out of 85
Ranking of 2022 Giveaways (score in parenthesis):
Yeti 10 oz Tumbler (96)
Heineken Koozie (86)
Yeti Hat (81)
Two-Sided Towel (35)
The King is dead! Love Live the King!