There was a giveaway during Austin FC’s bi yearly chaos filled matches with San Jose, who this author assumes are contractually obligated to ever play a normal or mundane match. For a quick refresher on how that rubric is set up: the giveaway is graded 1-100 with 5 points possible for the Look, Usability, and Originality categories. An additional 85 points are available for the Throwability category.
1-24 – Not worth the effort of grabbing from the attendant
25-49 – No one will be heartbroken by not getting the item, nor will they be sad when they accidentally leave it at the stadium
50-74 – A perfectly cromulent giveaway item
75-99 – An item to cherish and display
100 – Reserved for a Lord Redes bobblehead
Now, let’s get to the Giveaways:
4ATX Foundation/SeatGeek Fan
Looks: The actual design on the front side is really good. The logos are clear and balanced effectively, but ultimately, you’re going to be seeing the reverse side most of the time and the paintstick/QR code combo is ugly as can be.
Score: 1 out of 5
Usability: It’s the middle of one of the hottest summers on record, and a fan is an incredibly useful item. Unfortunately this fan gets beat out by the *clack* fans we see and hear in the supporter’s section so it gets docked a few points.
Score: 3 out of 5
Originality: Its logos on a piece of cardstock glued to a paintstick, we haven’t had it as a giveaway before, but that doesn’t mean it’s original
Score: 1 out of 5
Throwability: This item is incredibly throwable, it rotates and due to it’s weight can easily be thrown for distance and accuracy like Oddjob throwing a hat. It even has a handle for an easier to grip, it’s basically designed to be thrown like a frisbee or an axe.
I…I don’t want to do this, in fact, this item has given me pause about the ranking system itself. When this exercise in rankings started, I wanted to provide an insight into the items that you wouldn’t receive anywhere else and was goaded on by Jeremiah Bentley of the Moontower Podcast to skew the rankings towards how throwable the item is. Now, I fully admit my complicity in establishing and modifying these rankings and still fully believe in what has been done, but this, this has caused me more consternation than I would have thought possible because this objectively terrible giveaway should be up near the top of the current rankings.
But alas, here we are, the ranking rubric must be regarded as sacrosanct (plus I’m way too lazy to re-formulate all the previous rankings) so this item scores….
Score: 80 out of 85
Final Score: 85 out of 100
Ranking of 2022 Giveaways (with scores):
Heineken Koozie (86)
4ATX Foundation/SeatGeek Fan (85)
St. David’s LED bracelet (82)
Yeti Hat (81)
Two-Sided Towel (35)