EXT: view of a suburban house. INT: We see the kitchen and dining room table separated by a countertop. A staircase to the second story of the house is in the background. ANGELA is in the kitchen preparing breakfast. GAVIN is seated at the table looking at his phone eating breakfast. JOSH comes down the…
When Does The Pain Stop?
It’s been a while since we’ve convened here. Sometimes life happens. Sometimes you just feel no motivation to write. And sometimes Josh Wolff kills your soccer loving soul. I’ve been at stage 3 for quite a while now and have no interest in fully relitigating the case against Josh Wolff. It’s pretty obvious to anyone…
What to Watch Instead of Austin FC: She’s the Man (2006)
Hello Austin FC faithful (because let’s be honest, that’s all who is left this season). As Austin are coming off a 2-1 loss to Toronto FC Saturday and take on LAFC at BMO Stadium (where Austin have lost their last three matches by a combined score of 8-0) and will be without three contributors (Sebastian…
Chicken Prediction: Feeling Funky
Gentle reader, we are in a bad state. I’m not just talking about getting arrested for saying hot isn’t a spice. No, we are in a bad state because we are not a good team. Losing again at home is rough. This season has worn me out to the point of funk. Not the cool…
The False Nine Chickens Predict Austin FC vs. Vancouver Whitecaps or “How we ran afowl of the law”
Needless to say, it’s been a week at The Compound and due to time constraint, I’m going to get right to it. It all started last weekend when a few of us visited Nashville for the Austin FC match at beautiful GEODIS Park. It was a lovely weekend with great weather, but unfortunately, Louis was…
The Definitive Giveaway Rankings – Nashville SC edition
We don’t normally get to do this due to the lack of Giveaways during Austin FC road matches plus our general malaise at attending thanks to Austin’s 3-7-3 record on the road this season. But this weekend? We were delighted to find out that Nashville SC would have a giveaway and had to ensure we…
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: 4ATX Foundation Fan (7/20/2024)
There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon. We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with…
Chaos
Chaos seems to be the name of the game lately for our beloved El FC. In a game that the verdeblack only needed a draw, our boys marched into Frisco and came out with a butt-thumpin’ loss. To add insult to injury, our (for reasons known but to Wolff) captain decided to lose his mind…
MLS Cheering Guide: Volume 4, Match Day 25
I’m tired y’all. I’m tired of WolffIn/WolffOut. I’m tired of watching Austin FC players make bonehead mistake after bonehead mistake. I’m tired of being asked to pay the equivalent of a mortgage for a beer at Q2 Stadium. It’s all just so exhausting with seemingly no reward on the other side. WAIT. IT CAN’T BE! …
Rotten in Austin
To Wolff, or not to Wolff, that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler on the pitch to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous horseshoes, Or to take arms against a sea of losing And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep, No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and…