The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: Season Ticket Holder 5-year Anniversary Gift

There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon

We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with a grading rubric to judge and rate giveaways. It’s a very simple system for very simple items, everything is graded 1-100 with 5 points possible for the Look, Usability, and Originality categories. An additional 85 points are available for the Throwability category.

Final Rankings:

1-24 – Not worth the effort of grabbing from the attendant

25-49 – No one will be heartbroken by not getting the item, nor will they be sad when they accidentally leave it at the stadium

50-74 – A perfectly cromulent giveaway item

75-99 – An item to cherish and display

100 – Reserved for a Rodney Redes bobblehead

Now, let’s get to the Giveaway:

Five-Year Season Ticket Holder Gift

Look: It’s the right color verde, the metallic letters and logo look great, especially in the sun.

Score: 5 out of 5

Usability: As most of you are aware, Austin FC has handed out Yeti tumblers before, they were ranked then and the lowest mark was usability, as they were only 10 ounces and size matters. These are bigger, which invariably means better, and are a perfect size for tea, coffee, or a mixed drink.

Score: 5 out of 5

Originality: As mentioned above, we’ve received tumblers before, and yes, they’re given out as promotional items constantly.

We’ve never received a 5 year season ticket holder gift award, they mention being an original member on the Yeti’s for those of us who are literally year 1 Season Ticket Holders. This makes them not unique but rarer than the usual Yeti cups when these inevitably end up passed down to future generations a prized artifact at the end of a 100 year war.

Score: 3 out of 5

Throwability: These were conveniently delivered to The Compound, although the six different boxes seemed kid of unnecessary. Unfortunately the thing which helps it’s throwability: size and shape, made it slip out of the presentation boxing and were rolling around in four of the six boxes. Upon receiving them, we did the thing that everyone would expect us to do: Used them for High Tea, which is daily at The Compound promptly at 4:20 PM. You wouldn’t know it, but Uncle Tony P. makes an absolutely delightful cucumber sandwich.
After tea we rinsed out the tumblers and took them outside and played a game of catch, and as we talked about the excitement of the upcoming season (Three DPs, Ilie Sanchez, a new coach) that adrenaline allowed us to throw these further than you’d think something designed to hold drinks could be thrown. The verde majestically went through the air over and over again, bringing us a sense of pride and hope, something we haven’t had for many seasons. As the players like to say “we move.”

Score: 85 out of 85

Final Score: 98 out of 100

Ranking of Giveaways (score in parenthesis):
Yeti Season Ticket Holder Gift (98)

Yeti 10 oz Tumbler (96)

LED Bracelet Giveaway (95)

Dell Technologies/Intel Bucket hat (92)

Heineken Koozie (86)

4ATX Foundation/SeatGeek Fan (85)

YETI Hat 2023 (84)

Q2 Stadium Scarf (84)

HEB Re-Usable Grocery Bag (83)

St. David’s LED bracelet (82)