The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: Heineken Towel (5/15/2024 vs. Houston Dynamo)

We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with a grading rubric to judge and rate giveaways at Q2 stadium. It’s a very simple system for very simple items, everything is graded 1-100 with 5 points possible for the Look, Usability, and Originality categories. An additional 85 points are available for the Throwability category.

Final Rankings:

1-24 – Not worth the effort of grabbing from the attendant

25-49 – No one will be heartbroken by not getting the item, nor will they be sad when they accidentally leave it at the stadium

50-74 – A perfectly cromulent giveaway item

75-99 – An item to cherish and display

100 – Reserved for a Rodney Redes bobblehead

Now, let’s get to the Giveaway:

Heineken Towel (5/15/2024 vs. Houston Dynamo)

Look: It’s fine. It’s the right color and features the Austin FC logo prominently, but wouldn’t it make more sense to have a green background so the Heineken logo had more fidelity?

Score: 3 out of 5

Usability: It’s a towel (and not a soft one), so it’s fine for a golf bag if you’re one of those people, but it’s destined to live in a garage or attic and be completely forgotten about. It was handy at the match to help dry off, but had Austin scored more goals/we had more beer showers it would have been ineffective.

Score: 3 out of 5

Originality: It’s not the first towel Austin FC has had as a giveaway before (that was back in the Halcyon days of 2022 and defeating FC Cincinnati 5-0). This would appease Michael P. Rally, the inventor of the rally towel, but no one else.

Score: 1 out of 5

Throwability: I held onto this towel for a long time, almost as long as Steve Clarke held Austin FC scoreless. But thanks to Emiliano Rigoni’s cross, some dirty work by Gyasi Zardes, and Sebastian Driussi’s innate finishing ability, the towel flew and drifted in the air after Austin took a 1-0 lead on the night. I had no control over where it went, but it’s duration in the air was much longer than I expected.

Score: 30 out of 85

Final Score: 37 out of 85

Ranking of Giveaways (score in parenthesis):

Yeti 10 oz Tumbler (96)

LED Bracelet Giveaway (95)

Heineken Koozie (86)

4ATX Foundation/SeatGeek Fan (85)

YETI Hat 2023 (84)

Q2 Stadium Scarf (84)

HEB Re-Usable Grocery Bag (83)

St. David’s LED bracelet (82)

YETI Hat 2022 (81)