The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: HEB Re-usable Grocery Bag (4/6/2024)

We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with a grading rubric to judge and rate giveaways at Q2 stadium. It’s a very simple system for very simple items, everything is graded 1-100 with 5 points possible for the Look, Usability, and Originality categories. An additional 85 points are available for the Throwability category.

Final Rankings:

1-24 – Not worth the effort of grabbing from the attendant

25-49 – No one will be heartbroken by not getting the item, nor will they be sad when they accidentally leave it at the stadium

50-74 – A perfectly cromulent giveaway item

75-99 – An item to cherish and display

100 – Reserved for a Rodney Redes bobblehead

Now, let’s get to the Giveaway:

HEB Re-usable Grocery Bag (4/6/2024 vs San Jose Earthquakes)

Look: It’s the correct colors, has a club slogan, and a flying Armadillo in Verde. Amazing work and compliments to everyone involved. Unsurprising considering HEB is what keeps this state running and functioning.

Score: 5 out of 5

Usability: Everyone needs groceries and ways to get them to your home, a party, or maybe a picnic in the park during the three months a year it’s pleasant enough outside to do that in Austin.

Score: 5 out of 5

Originality: For a stadium giveaway, we haven’t seen this before in Austin so it’s a welcome addition to the stored Austin FC giveaway shelf. It loses points because re-usable bags are ubiquitous here in Austin and have a lot of really fun designs and patterns. Hopefully Rodo has a trunkful of these when he’s shopping at HEB.

Score: 3 out of 5

Throwability: Ultimately this is a thin cloth bag, so it’s inherent throwability is limited, it can float through the air like a feather which both limits it’s possible distance and capability to be thrown accurately.

However, much like with Scarfball I have to look at the throwability of any item from a myriad of angles. This bag, which conveniently can hold all Austin FC giveaways to date, has two things going for it:
1) It has a clear handle;
2) by putting any weighted object into it the bag it can hold that shape and take on some of the throwabiilty aspects of it;

For instance, if I put a soccer ball into it I can use the handle to essentially make it a Hammer throw which makes it more accurate and provides a much greater distance than just the bag. With tying the handle together the item won’t fall out either, so with this in mind, it becomes incredibly versatile as long as the object mostly fills up the bag’s capacity (attempts to throw the Yeti Tumblr in the bag had mixed results due to it’s relatively smaller size).

Score: 70 out of 85

Final Score: 83 out of 100

Ranking of Giveaways (score in parenthesis):

Yeti 10 oz Tumbler (96)

LED Bracelet Giveaway (95)

Heineken Koozie (86)

4ATX Foundation/SeatGeek Fan (85)

Yeti Hat 2023 (84)

Q2 Stadium Scarf (84)

HEB Re-usable Bag (83)

St. David’s LED bracelet (82)

Yeti Hat 2022 (81)