The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: 4ATX Foundation Fan (7/20/2024)

There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon.

We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with a grading rubric to judge and rate giveaways at Q2 stadium. It’s a very simple system for very simple items, everything is graded 1-100 with 5 points possible for the Look, Usability, and Originality categories. An additional 85 points are available for the Throwability category.

Final Rankings:

1-24 – Not worth the effort of grabbing from the attendant

25-49 – No one will be heartbroken by not getting the item, nor will they be sad when they accidentally leave it at the stadium

50-74 – A perfectly cromulent giveaway item

75-99 – An item to cherish and display

100 – Reserved for a Rodney Redes bobblehead

Now, let’s get to the Giveaway:

Look: This author…LOVES this design. The Armadillo imagery and colors are perfect. It also sparked an intense discussion on if the Dillo was on its back or side while playing with the ball (editor’s note: the animal is clearly on its side and thinking the animal is dead on its back is WRONG).

Score: 5 out of 5

Usability: A fan is a very useful item in Texas…except this summer. It’s been so mild and pleasant that the fan isn’t nearly as useful as it would normally be. As someone in the Supporter’s Section I am also privileged to be near many of the clack fans that also help to lift the team and noise, obviously this fan is not useful for helping Q2’s atmosphere.

Score: 2 out of 5

Originality: Austin FC had the same sponsor with the same fan back in 2022 but this season’s edition has a more original design.

Score: 2 out of 5

Throwability: Here is the dichotomy of these rankings:

Is this fan throwable and even comes with a handle? Yes.

Is it also cheap and no one minds missing it? Also yes.

These rankings are nothing if not consistent. There is a clear and unfailing rubric that has been set forth for years now. It outlasts almost everything we do here and that is sacred to us. So much like our feelings towards Eric Goodman’s Leagues Cup takes, I have to admit the quality of this trash.

Score: 80 out of 85

Final Score:

Ranking of Giveaways (score in parenthesis):

Yeti 10 oz Tumbler (96)

LED Bracelet Giveaway (95)

Dell Technologies/Intel Bucket hat (92)

4 ATX Foundation Fan 2024 (89)

Heineken Koozie (86)

4ATX Foundation/SeatGeek Fan 2002 (85)

YETI Hat 2023 (84)

Q2 Stadium Scarf (84)

HEB Re-Usable Grocery Bag (83)