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Month: May 2023

Austin FC Owners as Greedy Men

Posted on May 31, 2023May 31, 2023 by Andrea Provolone

OK listen, this is not going to be my normal ‘comparing Austin FC players to boy band members’ schtick. We’ve got some important shit to discuss. From the second Austin FC was announced, members of this community fought to establish it as one of the best soccer cities in the country. From announcement day up…

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Chicken Prediction: The Dog of War

Posted on May 31, 2023May 31, 2023 by Louis de Ludovico

Gentle reader, my hens and I are at a loss, both literally and figuratively. Many will think our predictions have gone to the dogs. We picked a 1-1 draw. So did Phil. Alas, no such result transpired. Instead of a hard-fought match that resulted in 1 or 3 points earned, our El FC crumbled like…

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Chicken Prediction: We’re Streaking?

Posted on May 27, 2023May 26, 2023 by Louis de Ludovico

Gentle reader, we won! Yes, my hens saw this victory coming. If I’m not mistaken, this is the second league victory in a row. Do I dare say we’re on a winning streak? I will also begrudgingly admit that in inestimable Phil West also predicted a victory, but didn’t trust El FC’s defense as much…

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MLS Cheering Guide – Week 14

Posted on May 26, 2023May 26, 2023 by Uncle Tony P.

Wednesday’s U.S. Open Cup loss stung a lot. But it’s time for a new MLS week and the cheering guide is here!

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The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index – 4ATX Foundation Keychain Lanyard (5/20/2023 vs. FC Toronto)

Posted on May 21, 2023May 21, 2023 by Charles Peacock

There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon.  We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with…

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Chicken Prediction: A Mystery

Posted on May 20, 2023May 20, 2023 by Louis de Ludovico

Gentle reader, this team is a mystery. One day they’re minnows, barely playing recognizable soccer. The next day? They’re playing beautifully flowing, fitba, filled with fabulous phases of play. Our last match was one such fantastic show. I won’t lie, reader, my hens didn’t see this coming. They predicted a loss. At least Phil West…

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MLS Cheering Guide – Week 13

Posted on May 19, 2023May 19, 2023 by Uncle Tony P.

Rejoice!  Austin FC has won an MLS match for the first time in two months, and it came in Seattle of all places! Before Wednesday night, Austin had never scored a goal at Lumen Field.  But then Ethan Finlay put in arguably his best shift in a Verde uniform, Gyasi Zardes finally put one home,…

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The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index – NetSpend Captain Armband (5/13/2023 vs. FC Dallas)

Posted on May 17, 2023May 16, 2023 by Charles Peacock

There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon. We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with…

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Chicken Prediction: Woodshed ahoy!

Posted on May 17, 2023May 16, 2023 by Louis de Ludovico

My dear reader, last match was craptastic. My hens somehow didn’t pick up on the less than stellar 2nd act of our Lord Redes. It’s not as though we were taken out behind the woodshed, but we certainly didn’t cover ourselves in glory. With Redes on the field, my hens insist their prediction would’ve held….

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Austin FC Players As Animorphs

Posted on May 15, 2023May 15, 2023 by Andrea Provolone

Austin FC players as Animorphs

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