Hello TF9ers! Now that the Austin FC season has ended we can look back on it and think about the good times (Rodney Redes scoring), the bad times (Any Cup competition), and all the times in between. Last season I ranked all the previous Training Tops. This season’s shirts are mostly uninspired along with having…
Chicken Prediction: The End
Gentle reader, we have made it to the end. The final game of a challenging season. Looking back, this has been a discomforting season: players not playing to their potential, players playing who shouldn’t be playing, players not playing who should be playing, and a coach who is always dead-on in his tactics and man…
MLS Cheering Guide – The Penultimate Week
You can always count on Sweet Lou Brown to put things into perspective when needed. I lead with this because for all intents and purposes, Austin FC needs to win three straight matches to even have a chance at sneaking into the playoffs. Step one has been accomplished with the 3-0 beatdown of Wayne Rooney’s…
Chicken Prediction: Slide into Oblivion
Gentle reader, our team is not doing well. We are sliding into oblivion. I think that was the reason my beloved hens traveled across the pond for a short visit to Old Blighty, Albion, the Land of the Rose: England. If you remember, they sent us a telegram whilst visiting Waterley Bottom. When they arrived…
What to Watch Tonight Instead of Austin FC
The False Nine has always been intended as a place to write about interesting nonsense regarding Austin FC and Austin FC fan culture. We’ve tracked goals scored during chants, had chickens predict matches, and ranked giveaways. We are here for the fun. This season…has not been fun. Austin enters tonight’s game 13th in the conference…
A Humble Proposal in Favor of Josh Wolff
My esteemed colleague Uncle Tony P. yesterday presented a treatise on why Josh Wolff, the only head coach Austin FC has ever known, should lose his job. I understand this sentiment, Josh Wolff has become a divisive figure amongst the fan base, who have ultimately split into a few camps, including #Wolffout, #WolffIn, #Wolffisntthebiggestissue, to…
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index – YETI Hat (9/24/2023 vs. LA Galaxy)
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon. We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin…
Josh Wolff Needs To Lose His Job
I’m angry. You should be too.
Chicken Prediction: Ennui
Gentle reader, may I suggest Taylor was talking about us? Have I reached acceptance yet? Not sure, but I and my hens (who, by the by, correctly picked a draw) felt nothing after another craptastic performance. And to top it all off, it seems that our talismanic mass of beauty and talent will probably miss…
MLS Cheering Guide – But Not Really
450 minutes to save the season. That’s what is left in front of Austin FC to try and salvage something, anything, out of this disastrous 2023 campaign. Normally in this space, we try to have some fun and keep you abreast of what’s happening around MLS and tell you, the adoring Austin FC supporter, who…