My esteemed colleague Uncle Tony P. yesterday presented a treatise on why Josh Wolff, the only head coach Austin FC has ever known, should lose his job. I understand this sentiment, Josh Wolff has become a divisive figure amongst the fan base, who have ultimately split into a few camps, including #Wolffout, #WolffIn, #Wolffisntthebiggestissue, to…
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon. We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin…
I’m angry. You should be too.
Gentle reader, may I suggest Taylor was talking about us? Have I reached acceptance yet? Not sure, but I and my hens (who, by the by, correctly picked a draw) felt nothing after another craptastic performance. And to top it all off, it seems that our talismanic mass of beauty and talent will probably miss…
450 minutes to save the season. That’s what is left in front of Austin FC to try and salvage something, anything, out of this disastrous 2023 campaign. Normally in this space, we try to have some fun and keep you abreast of what’s happening around MLS and tell you, the adoring Austin FC supporter, who…
Hello readers, I am filling in for this mid week match Chicken Prediction/Preview. Louis is still recovering from his “Watch Party” on Sunday night where something shocking happened… The Chickens turned on him. It was all a misunderstanding. After the time ran out on Austin FC’s season match against the Portland Timbers. Louis started talking…
Gentle reader, I believe Cicero wrote it best: “O tempora! O mores!” O, the times! O, the customs! Our beloved El FC has been, to be charitable, not reaching its potential. When passers-by see me and my hens as we stroll along one of our fair city’s avenues, I am often asked how I feel…
EXT: view of a suburban house. INT: We see the kitchen and dining room table separated by a countertop. A staircase to the second story of the house is in the background. ANGELA is in the kitchen preparing breakfast. GAVIN is seated at the table looking at his phone eating breakfast. OWEN walks into the…
Gentle reader, Wednesday was a game. It was a game to remember. It was a game to forget. It was Dickensian to its core: good guys, bad guys, evil goings on, everything. It’s nothing to be proud of, but my hens nailed the score. Our dear friend, Phil West, was, concurrently, right and wrong. He…
Remember how I said the Frisco match last week was “To the pain” a la Princess Bride? Apparently, we didn’t go far enough in our consideration of pain after experiencing another heartbreaking defeat Wednesday against Seattle. Austin scored 2 goals and should have had at least a draw. I don’t give a shit what MLS…