So yeah, I know we missed the rankings last week, since we were too busy with other stuff. Turns out tracking the international break and following MLS combined with our personal travel just means we fell behind here. However, our voters were rocking and rolling this week, so we were able to get out our…
Group Love
Gentle reader, our dear El FC did well in their last match. However, I must confess, I did not extend the love that they deserved. Now, our boys in green take on Eddie Vedder’s adopted hometown. In an attempt to not embarrass myself again, I asked those at the Compound what they thought would happen…
Here We Go Again
Gentle reader, another disappointing week. Our El FC lost a winnable game and I wasn’t able to correctly read my new bat’s movements. I feel like I’m in a Yogi Berra cycle where it’s déjà vu all over again. Or, in the (slightly emended) words of the magisterial David Coverdale, here we go again. So,…
Week 3 MLS Power Rankings
Well this past week’s MLS play was only mildly absurd by league standards. We didn’t have Miami beating Charlotte with only 10 men for a half and no Messi or Chicago scoring 3 goals after the 80th minute (and saving a PK in that stretch) to win the Brimstone Cup up in Frisco, but it…
La Murga Report – 3/8/2025 vs. Colorado
The match-by-match report on La Murga de Austin’s setlist and an analysis of which songs correspond to goals scored or conceded by Austin FC.
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: SeatGeek Team Scarf (3/8/2025 vs. Colorado Rapids)
There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon. We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with…
Gettin’ Batty With It
Gentle reader, it’s been a challenging time. Firstly, as you all well know, my beloved hens departed this corporeal existence. Thanks to Chucky for filling in for me last week as I took some time to grieve. You know, in order to help others, you must help yourself first. As we all know, our beloved…
The False Nine Power Rankings (1.0 in Week 2)
Well, since we are two weeks into the new MLS season, a number of us gathered around the compound and started looking at the Power Rankings from MLS, ESPN, Backheeled, and other sources. And while many of the people are doing amazing work over there, some of their analysis is just lazy. To be fair,…
The Day After: A Recap of Austin FC at Portland, or “Fire everyone, we’re all going to die”
It’s a cool March morning at The Compound. AND I AM FUCKING PISSED! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BULLSHIT LAST NIGHT!It was clearly explained to me that an opening match win meant that Austin would go 34-0-0 (W-D-L as God herself intended) and now the season is ruined. A coach in his second game already…
Know Your Team! – Guilherme Biro
Know Your Team! There are a lot of new faces around Austin FC this year and a lot of players from previous seasons we think we know, but don’t. Your friends at The False Nine have you covered! Each week we’ll bring you hard-hitting inside information so you can get to know each of our…