Hello intrepid readers. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, but considering that the chickens were a bit afraid of traveling to North Carolina due to the copious amounts of Bojangles locations, I’ve ben asked to step in. This week, Austin FC makes it second ever trip to Charlotte and first since Dani Periera’s wonder-strike sealed a 1-0 victory in 2022. Truthfully speaking, I have nothing against the city of blue banks or their soccer squad. They seem nice enough while also boasting the best mascot in MLS.
Everyone, meet Sir Minty. First of his name. King of the Two Carolinas. Protector of the pulled pork and the first Earnhardt. Breaker of Messi. Father of Drip.
He’s a rotund, royal soccer ball that rocks a chain. Does Sir Minty make any sense at all? Hell no. But here’s the thing….he’s a mascot of the people, not some “let them eat Cook-Out” snob! For example:
- For a nominal fee, you can request Sir Minty’s presence. What other royal offers that kind of access?
- He’s named after something that no longer exists in Charlotte. Ya know, like the original Hornets. And we all love Mugsy Bogues.
- Sir Minty’s unofficial titles read off like Charles Barkley: “His Royal Roundness”, “The Emperor of Uptown”, “Monarch of Mint”, “The Sultan of Swag”, & the “Tsar from the land of NASCAR”.
- He took his throne via adulation and decree from the masses.
- Sir Minty’s face is on more than just money. He has many collectibles!
He’s the king that Cincinnati wishes it had when their dignitaries pull a sword from a stone pre-match (this is a real thing). A sex symbol beyond that of reproach. A god amongst mascots. Alas, he belongs to Charlotte. And much like Tim Ream, while lovable, Minty’s a bit slow and out of shape.
Rest well king. We have the watch now.
Spearminty Boys – 2
Sir Minty’s Boys – 1
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.