It’s a cool March morning at The Compound. AND I AM FUCKING PISSED! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BULLSHIT LAST NIGHT!It was clearly explained to me that an opening match win meant that Austin would go 34-0-0 (W-D-L as God herself intended) and now the season is ruined. A coach in his second game already…
Know Your Team! – Guilherme Biro
Know Your Team! There are a lot of new faces around Austin FC this year and a lot of players from previous seasons we think we know, but don’t. Your friends at The False Nine have you covered! Each week we’ll bring you hard-hitting inside information so you can get to know each of our…
Bright Sunny Optimism
Hello False Niners! I am filling in for Louis this week as he needed a break after finding out about the demise of his beloved chickens. As he soul searches (his own, chickens don’t have souls) he is still in communication and he will be back soon. It is a beautiful morning near Austin, TX…
An Intensive Critique of the Heartbeat Kit
Another season is here, which means Adidas has once again used the Design Paintbucket to come up with kits for every team using their one template they’ve come up with over their two year design process. Obligatory links to previous iterattions: Dillo and the rest. They release within two weeks of the season starting, which…
La Murga Report – 2/22/2025 vs. Kansas City
The match-by-match report on La Murga de Austin’s setlist and an analysis of which songs correspond to goals scored or conceded by Austin FC.
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: Q2 Beanie (2/22/2025 vs. Sporting KC)
There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon. We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with…
Know Your Team! – Žan Kolmanič
There are a lot of new faces around Austin FC this year and a lot of players from previous seasons we think we know, but don’t. Your friends at The False Nine have you covered! Each week we’ll bring you hard-hitting inside information so you can get to know each of our beloved squad members…
A Farewell to Pain
Gentle reader, it’s been some time since I last wrote to you. Since then, we have had to say farewell to our original coach, the Wolffman himself: Not him. But, rather, our own Josh Wolff. I, for one, do not lament the saying of farewell, but I also do not not wish him any ill…
The 2025 Season Preview: Part Two
Part Two of the False 9’s 2025 season preview is here, including predictions from the compound on where Austin finishes this year.
The 2025 Season Preview: Part One
The False 9 crew sat down and discussed the pressing topics heading into the 2025 season.