MLS Cheering Guide – Week 7

It’s hard to believe, but we are already 17.6% of the way through the MLS season. Which means that while there’s certainly a long way to go, we should probably start looking at the standings a little more often in this space. And by standings I mean the Western Conference table.

Remember, all analysis of this week’s games are done with the following in mind: Who should you, the discerning Austin FC fan, cheer for in each match.

Club de Foot Montréal vs Vancouver Whitecaps – 2:00 p.m. CT (ESPN+)
This one should be fun. Sure, Vancouver loses a lot, but they do it in an entertaining way. And Montréal, well, they’ve been nothing short of the most being the most fun MLS team to watch for the last three weeks. The Whitecaps are probably going to miss the playoffs in the West no matter what, but I’m still rooting against them this week because the chaos grenade that is Club de Foot is too fun to pass up.
The Side: The team formerly known as and what should still be called the Impact

San Jose Earthquakes vs Nashville SC – 2:30 p.m. CT (Univision/TUDN/Twitter)
Don’t look now, but Nashville is starting to turn into the team we all thought they would be in the pre-season after picking up consecutive wins at Columbus and Sporting KC. Remember, the Coyotes still haven’t played a home match and won’t until May 1st. We could really use them dropping some points before then.
The Side: San Jose Earthquakes

Atlanta United vs FC Cincinnati – 5:00 p.m. (ESPN+)
This game is of no consequence to us. So the question falls to you, my lovely readers. And that question is which restaurant chain would you rather get the runs from after drunkenly eating at 1 a.m.: Atlanta’s Waffle House or Cincinnati’s Skyline Chili?
The Side: Lots of 2-ply, extra soft TP

Houston Dynamo vs Portland Timbers – 5:00 p.m. (ESPN+)
The default position of this blog is fuck Houston, followed by a certain capo flipping off Dynamo players. HOWEVER, Houston is tied with ATXFC on points and Portland is only two behind. Both teams dropping potential points is best for us this week.
The Side: Draw

Minnesota United FC vs Colorado Rapids – 7:00 p.m. (ESPN+)
Oh Loons, you are equal parts boring and maddening. Seeing that club in person last week made me feel sorry for Minnesota fans. That roster should be better. Now they get to host Colorado in a game that features two teams that are currently below the playoff line yet only 3 points back of 4th place. Meaning yes, we need a boring to help our long-term prospects.
The Side: A snooze-fest of a draw

New York Red Bulls vs FC Dallas – 6:00 p.m. (ESPN+)
Do I even need to say it? Looking for some cow on cow decimation here from the home squad.
The Side: Red Bulls > Toros

New England Revolution vs Charlotte FC – 6:30 p.m. (ESPN+)
Can we take a second to laugh heartily at last year’s Supporter Shield winners being absolute trash so far this season? HAHAHAHAHAHA! OK, now that that’s out of our system. This game has zero meaning for Austin. It’s on at the same time as the ATXFC game. You aren’t watching it. I’m not watching it. People in New England aren’t watching it.
The Side: Meh

Toronto FC vs Philadephia Union – 6:30 p.m. (ESPN+)
I say this every week, but I’m going to say it again for everyone in the back. PHILLY IS FUCKING GOOD Y’ALL. The Union are now the only team in MLS without a loss and I expect that streak to continue against an average Toronto team. But do I care who wins? Not really.
The Side: I just hope both teams have fun.

Columbus Crew SC vs Orlando City – 6:30 p.m. (ESPN+)
The former Austin Aztex vs the team that was their MSL affilate while in Austin. It’s a fun little aside that has zero bearing on this game or the fan bases. If the playoffs started today, this would be a round one matchup in the East, but Orlando would be hosting. I’ll just default to my usual position when non-consequential games involve Columbus, which is to say…..
The Side: Orrrlaaannnndooooooo!!!!

Chicago Fire vs L.A. Galaxy – 7:00 p.m. (ESPN+)
Chicago is weird. They’ve only lost one game (last week vs Orrrrrlandooooooo), yet they aren’t very good either. Half of their games have ended in nil-nil draws. All five of their goals this season have occurred in just two games. Let’s hope they keep that frustrating, enigmatic streak going for another week at home so that the Galaxy drop points.
The Side: Chicago Fire

Seattle Sounders vs Inter Miami FC – 9:00 p.m. (FS1)
Is Miami better without Gonzalo Higuaín? They picked up a 3-2 win last week without him, which is nice, but now they have to go to the opposite corner of the country to play Seattle. The one saving grace for the Herons here is that the Sounders had to deal with a mid-week CONCACAF Champions League in New Jersey, so they may play a rotated lineup. We could really use some Miami magic.
The Side: Inter Miami and their smoking DP

New York City FC vs Real Salt Lake – 12:00 p.m. (ESPN+)
NYCFC haven’t been very good in league play this year, instead focusing early on CCL. Now they get to play at their actual home for a change and host a scrappy RSL team that is currently 3rd in the West. We need the defending champs to show up this week.
The Side: The New York Yankees sub-lease tenants

LAFC vs Sporting Kansas City – 3:00 p.m. (ESPN)
LAFC currently sits first in the West. Sporting is 12th. Conventional logic would say that we want Sporting to win here. I, however, am anything but conventional. SKC is still just four points out of a playoff spot. We need to start seeing some separation in the jumbled West and push a few teams further out of playoff contention.
The Side: Jump for L.A. Football Club