Hello you MLS Sickos! Somehow Austin FC avoided relegation last year so we’re back for year number four in this zany ass league. Speaking of, I should probably get you caught up on a few things:
- MLS apparently listened to their fans on something for a change and staggered start times across the weekend. While a good chunk of matches will still be Saturday night at 7:30 p.m. local time, there should be a chance to see more games throughout the weekend.
- The 2024 season is going to kick off with replacement referees. It’s a long story and if you would like to read more, check out this article. Prepare yourselves: the refs are going to be atrocious for a while until the labor dispute gets resolved.
- MLS finally released the playoff format and roster rules yesterday (2/19). This is not a joke. No changes to the playoffs which is a shame because best-of-3 first round matchups suck.
- The U.S. Open Cup is going to see some major changes. We don’t know what those are yet. MLS and US Soccer have been fighting about the future of U.S. Open Cup for months. US Soccer wants the Open Cup to be the Open Cup. MLS wants it dead but doesn’t want to be the culprit. A preview of MLS’ PR strategy can be seen below.
Usually in this space we do a “cheering guide”, where I try to make informed decisions on who we Austin FC fans should cheer for on a given week to help our beloved squad. But its week one. There’s way too much soccer to be played to worry about the standings. Therefore, until we get to Leagues Cup, this is going to be a space where we give you a “why to watch” sentence or two for each match.
Wednesday, February 21st
Inter Miami CF vs Real Salt Lake – 7:00 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
The league lid lifter is a Wednesday match showcasing a potentially fun but defensively questionable Real Salt Lake squad against the Shady Acres Retirement Home of Fort Lauderdale. Yes, this is the Messi & Co showcase match. The question is if they’ve recovered from doing their best Carmen San Diego impression over the last month.
Saturday, February 24th
Columbus Crew vs Atlanta United – 1:00 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
The defending champs open at home against an Atlanta team that could be sneaky good. Rematch of last year’s first round series that went to all three games. I’m sure TIFOSWEAT will have a paint by numbers piece ready to go as well.
LAFC vs Seattle Sounders – 3:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV & FOX)
The national TV showcase is a rematch of the Western Conference semifinals last year. LAFC won that game 1-0. The Sounders underperformed some key offensive metrics last year and I think they may be title contenders with their stout back line. LAFC are replacing almost half of the minutes played from last year’s Western Conference championship squad. Regression year incoming?
Charlotte FC vs NYCFC – 6:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
If you ever feel bad about Austin’s roster build, just look at Charlotte and you will see an absolute shit show. Serious wooden spoon potential here folks. NYCFC is young but return a lot of pieces from a team that just missed the playoffs and should improve in 2024.
D.C. United vs New England Revolution – 6:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
D.C. is going to be pretty awful again, which makes me happy because Jared Stroud plays there now. Fuck that guy. The Revs are…well they’re the Revs. Solid team that will make the playoffs and lose early. Ho hum.
Orlando City vs CF Montreal – 6:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
Shhh, I need to tell you a secret. The best team in Florida may very well reside in Orlando. The 3-headed Lions are going to be very good y’all. Watch this game for Orlando City and the sweet throwback crest. You can skip Montreal matches until further notice.
Philadelphia Union vs Chicago Fire – 6:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
The Union should still be good at this soccer thing. The Fire might be a bit better in 2024, but overall should still be marginal at this soccer thing.
FC Dallas vs San Jose Earthquakes – 7:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
I’ve got bad news. FC Dallas got a lot better in the off-season after splashing cash on Benfica striker Peter Musa. The Toros are likely to improve on their 7th seed finish. San Jose can’t defend at all. Frisco might score 20.
Houston Dynamo vs Sporting KC – 7:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
Houston will be playing their first MLS match, but second official game of the season here. The Dynamo lost the first leg of a CONCACAF Champions Cup match Tuesday to St Louis. Houston knocked Sporting out of the playoffs in the Conference Semis last year, but SKC was the best team in the West for the second half of 2023 and got better in the off-season. Fantastic match-up here.
St Louis CITY vs Real Salt Lake – 7:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
2nd game for both of these teams. As mentioned, CITY beat Houston in CCC action while RSL plays at Miami on 2/21. CITY looked solid in their match against the Dynamo but started regressing to the mean late in 2023. I think that could continue.
Portland Timbers vs Colorado Rapids – 9:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
If you want to watch a game between two clubs hoping to make the play-in game for the playoffs, this is your dream. Enjoy?
Sunday, February 25th
FC Cincinnati vs Toronto FC – 1:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
FC Cincinnati = Very good. Replacing Brandon Vazquez will be interesting to watch.
Toronto FC = Not good at all and no one should subject themselves to this.
Nashville SC vs New York Red Bulls – 4:00 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
Two teams where you know exactly what you are going to get. It’s comforting, like a Whataburger sign at 1 a.m. It’s on TV and it’s Sunday afternoon. Enjoy it….or take a nap.
LA Galaxy vs Inter Miami CF – 8:00 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
Miami goes cross-country on a short week to face the fighting Diego Fagundez’s. The Galaxy’s defense is a major concern. No more Chicharito leaves questions as to who will score goals. They still have Riqui Puig though, so that’s cool.
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.