Saturday, March 16th
Chicago Fire vs CF Montreal – 1:00 p.m. (Apple TV)
Montreal are in the middle of a six game road trip to start the season and have picked up 7 points in 3 games. Quickly becoming a team to watch. Chicago…..well they technically field a team.
D.C. United vs Inter Miami – 1:00 p.m. (Apple TV)
No Messi in this game for Miami puts them in danger of dropping consecutive league matches as they focus on CONCACAF Champions Cup. D.C. hasn’t taken a loss yet and have the potential to be interesting given their start.
Seattle Sounders vs Colorado Rapids – 2:30 p.m. (FOX/Apple TV)
This feels like a must win for Seattle after a slow start. Last week’s match at Philly was abandoned, giving them a bit of rest despite the travel. Colorado has shown some fight the last two weeks with a draw against Nashville and road win at Salt Lake City. Interesting game here.
Columbus Crew vs NY Red Bulls – 6:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Tasty matchup in the early evening block. Columbus is a fucking machine. The Red Bulls just pulled off back-to-back wins over Frisco and Houston. If New York beats the Crew and complete the trifecta, the False 9 staff will officially adopt the Red Bulls as our Eastern Conference love for the year and wear throwback MetroStars jerseys.
NYCFC vs Toronto FC – 6:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
NYCFC is really, really bad. They almost got a point last week though before Portland scored a banger at the death. Toronto looks re-energized and still haven’t allowed a goal through three matches. They’ve also only scored two, but have 7 points to show for it. This sport is weird.
FC Dallas vs Vancouver Whitecaps – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
All three Frisco games this season have ended with a 2-1 scoreline. Luckily the Fighting Toyotathon’s have been on the wrong side of that equation twice. On the other side, I have no idea what to make of Vancouver yet.
Houston Dynamo vs Portland Timbers – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
When did Phil Neville learn how to coach? Portland is flying early in the year. Houston got knocked out of the CCC in the midweek, meaning they can focus more on the league. I think they will trend upward rather soon despite key injuries.
Sporting KC vs San Jose Earthquakes – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Sporting have played three straight draws to start the season. I expect they’ll get their first win this week against San Jose, a team that makes Josh Wolff’s coaching look competent.
Minnesota United vs LAFC – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Remember two weeks ago when LAFC played in the cold and snow and just stunk? Well it’s not gonna be snowy, but hoo boy it ain’t gonna be warm either. Game time temps in the mid-30s should give Minnesota a nice home field advantage here. The Loons are off to a flying start. A win here makes them early “out of nowhere” contenders.
Nashville SC vs FC Charlotte – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Nashville has to be exhausted. This is their 8th game in 23 days. That should calm down now that they are out of CCC, but I’m expected a similar rotated lineup in this match to the one that they ran out last Sunday. Charlotte has 4 points, but I’m not buying stock on them.
L.A. Galaxy vs St. Louis CITY – 9:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Two fun teams that like to score goals playing MLS After Dark? HELL. YES.
Sunday, March 17th
New England Revolution vs FC Cincinnati – 1:00 p.m. (Apple TV)
The Revs are absolutely shit in the league so far, having gone 0-for-3 with a -6 goal differential. However, they are still alive in the CCC and have a date with Club América on the horizon. Both teams are traveling back from midweek road CCC matchups, though Cincinnati had to go all-in while New England rotated in those games thanks to a big lead. This may be the real start of the Revs MLS campaign.
Atlanta United vs Orlando City – 6:00 p.m. (Apple TV)
I think Atlanta is going to be one of the best teams in the East. Orlando needs to rest and regroup after their CCC adventure has come to a painful end at the hands of Tigres. Watch this match for one of the most exciting attacks in MLS going up against some potential Felipe shithousery.
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.