Austin FC will finish a brutal stretch of 6 road games in 9 contests tonight at Kansas City with a chance to take 20 of a possible 27 points. Which, in a league built on parity and long travel, is enormous. They’ll have that opportunity against a Sporting side that comes into the match fighting D.C. United for the Wooden Spoon. Oh, did I also mention that SKC played 120 minutes in a U.S. Open Cup loss at Sacramento just three nights ago as well? All signs point to a very good chance at a Verde victory, but we still need to be prepared. To the research we go!
Sporting Kansas City Fast Facts
- MLS Debut: 1996
- Nickname: …………
- Current Record: 5-5-13 (20 points)
- Finish Last Season: 3rd West (58 points, Lost 2nd Round)
- Trophies: 7 (2-MLS Cup, 1-Supporters’ Shield, 4-US Open Cup)
- Wooden Spoons: 0
- Names You May Know: Graham Zusi, Tim Melia, Johnny Russell, Khiry Shelton
- Famous KC Folks: Don Cheadle, Walt Disney, Friz Freleng, Ernest Hemingway, Tommy Morrison, Satchel Paige, Harry Truman,
There are actually two Kansas City’s, one on each side of the border. Why does Sporting refuse to play in the one that everyone actually recognizes as the real Kansas City?
Because this applies to just about everything when it comes to Missouri.
What is Kansas City’s greatest export?
Look, they’ll tell you it’s barbeque. They even have a chant for it at games.
And yes, you do eat what can technically be called barbeque. But let’s get real here. Your briskets, specifically the burnt ends that you so worship, are sauced. And for that, we cannot forgive your transgressions. The BBQ rankings go like this:
Central Texas > Memphis > Carolinas > Georgia > Kansas City
Any other ranking is wrong.
Why did Sporting piss away the best original MLS name?
They were the Wiz! The fucking Kansas City Wiz! The jokes wrote themselves. And then an electronics retailer had to screw it up for everyone.
That’s right, this wasn’t just a Seinfeld joke. The Wiz existed and had to fuck up everyone’s fun in Kansas City. But I guess he’s also right, because KC didn’t beat him.
Final Match Day Hate Rating
Medium. Austin FC went to KC twice last season and lost both times, despite scoring first in each contest. The Verde & Black did get some measure of revenge though, as SKC gave up the quickest goal in Q2 Stadium history while getting thoroughly spanked last November. We don’t particularly hate them, but there’s enough here to not like them.
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.