At the conclusion of tonight’s game, Austin FC will be just about one-third of the way through the MLS season. Seems like it was just a week or two ago that we were all freezing at Q2 Stadium while watching Verde pour in five goals in back-to-back weeks to start the season. And yet even now, I’m still not quite sure what to make of this team.
Is it an improved club from last year? Unequivocally yes.
Can this team make the playoffs? You betcha.
Are they as good as we think they might be? That’s still to be determined.
Tonight starts a three game in nine day stretch for Austin, beginning with a visit to Utah. So let’s learn more about Real Salt Lake!
Real Salt Lake Fast Facts
- MLS Debut: 2005
- Current Record: 4-3-4 (16 points)
- Finish Last Season: 7th West (48 points – Western Conference Finals)
- Trophies: 1 (2009 MLS Cup)
- Wooden Spoons: 0
- Names You May Know: David Ochoa, Bobby Wood
- Famous Salt Lake Folks: Ken Jennings, Wilford Brimley, Nolan Bushnell (founder of Atari)
What is Salt Lake City’s claim to fame?
Besides being pretty boring? Let’s go with their weird alcohol rules. Specifically something that apparently no longer legally has to exist but still does in many spots because it’s a weird ass Utah tradition: The Zion Curtain. Back in the before times, known as 2017, restaurants could not make drinks in view of patrons. Thus they would either duck into the kitchen or behind an opaque surface to pour alcohol. And before you ask, yes, this is one of the 10 dumbest things I’ve ever heard.
Why are they called “Real” Salt Lake?
It’s a weird, long story. I honestly thought it was because people called the Salt Lake fake, but apparently it’s not pronounced “reel”.
How about we let Phil West tell you instead. The basics: a really, really rich white guy felt that the new team needed something “authentically soccer,” so he co-opted it from Madrid. Ya know, the club that had it’s name bestowed upon it by an actual monarchy? Yeah, that one.
Side note: The False 9 understands that Phil loves Madrid. I’m not saying which Madrid, but he supports an athletic team there. We’re sure he had a blast researching this story some years ago.
Do you have a list of things that would actually cause a riot at The RioT?
RSL plays it’s home games at Rio Tinto Stadium, also known as The RioT. Because when you think riots, you think Sandy, Utah. Here’s a short list of potential causes for riots in the suburbs of Salt Lake City:
- Costco going out of business
- Restaurants staying open past 9 p.m.
- Someone in the stadium using foul language by calling the referee a “poopey-head”
- Cancelled flights to Orlando
- Rated R movies
- Wally World being closed
Final Match Day Hate Rating
I’m not going to sugar coat this: tonight is an important match. Austin could use a bounce back performance after last weekend and needs the confidence before heading to LAFC on Wednesday. RSL is pretty good and endlessly annoying, so I don’t expect this to be easy. Basically, they are the Toby to our Michael Scott:
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.