Verde fans, it’s time for Match Day #1 of the 2022 MLS Season!
Today we welcome the team from Ohio that we don’t actually loathe: FC Cincinnati! This will be Austin FC’s first ever match against the Orange and Blue, so let us help you get acquainted with our visitors.
FC Cincinnati Fast Facts
- MLS Debut: 2019
- Finish Last Season: 14th East (20 points)
- Trophies: 0
- Wooden Spoons: 3
- Names You May Know: Luciano Acosta, Geoff Cameron, Kenneth Vermeer
- Notable Famous Natives: Steven Spielberg, Nick Lachey, The Naked Cowboy, Jon Moxley
What is FC Cincinnati’s claim to fame?
FCC is the only back-to-back-to-back Wooden Spoon Champions in MLS history!
What is Cincinnati’s biggest export?
Skyline Chili. It’s garbage. I beg of you, don’t ever put this in your mouth unless you want to know what the 7th layer of hell would taste like. This abomination is an affront to America and must kept to the confines of Ohio.
What is Cincinnati’s biggest crime against Austin?
Last November, Cincinnati was awarded the opportunity to host the USA vs Mexico World Cup qualifying match. This took the game away from its traditional home in Columbus, which is objectively funny, and moved it to the state’s Southern border. Sounds good, right?
Here’s the problem. The local American Outlaws group, who we can only assume are also FCC supporters, tweeted out this abomination and had the audacity to call it BBQ. Y’all, that cow gave its life in vain.
To everyone from the Midwest: Leave BBQ to the professionals you heathens!
So, how should we feel about FC Cincinnati?
We think we like them. Outside of some obvious taste bud issues, the fans are passionate and loyal despite some rough times. They hilariously troll Columbus on a regular basis, so we’re basically best friends. Plus they have a strong tifo game.
Final Match Day Hate Rating
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.