After a nerve-wracking 1-0 victory at home last Sunday, Josh Wolffington, the Verde & Black, and nearly 300 supporters hit the road to take on an MLS original and former powerhouse. So let’s take some time to learn about D.C. United!
D.C. United Fast Facts
- MLS Debut: 1996
- Current Record: 2-3-0 (6 pts)
- Finish Last Season: 8th East (47 pts)
- Trophies: 13 (4 MLS Cups, 4 Supporter Shields, 3 US Open Cups, 1 CONCACAF Champions Cup, 1 Copa Interamericana)
- Wooden Spoons: 0
- Names You May Know: Edison Flores, Ola Kamara, Julian Gressel
- Famous D.C. Natives: Kevin Durant, Marvin Gaye, The Band Camp Actress, Dave Chappelle
And since Chappelle is from there, I feel like we can all agree that his message from the “Player Haters Ball” rings true for how most of us feel about the people we send to that city.
What is the District’s claim to fame?
Oh, you mean besides making us all more miserable on a daily basis? Probably the cherry blossoms. Which, while beautiful, are also a really dumb thing to be famous for in the grand scheme of things.
“Hey everyone, come see these awesome trees that are only in bloom for about a week each year. Also, we can’t tell you exactly when they’ll be in bloom and the weather may completely suck while you’re here.”‘
What is the coolest thing to ever happen at Audi Field, home of D.C. United?
Many people will tell you it was this amazing stoppage time goal on a wildly absurd play from Wayne Rooney.
Those people would be wrong. The correct answer is that it happened during the one and only year of the revived XFL in 2020. Readers, I give you the beer snake.
Why is DC United the only original MLS team with a lame name?
Because the team took its inspiration from England despite the fact that it plays in the very city that the English once tried to burn down. (Oh I haven’t forgotten about you, War of 1812). In a league that featured awesome names like The Clash, Revolution, Mutiny, and Wiz, D.C. was somehow the only club to fear shaking the status quo. Which, come to think of it, fits perfectly. Carry on.
Final Match Day Hate Rating
It’s our first match against D.C. United. There’s no animosity here. But with a strong traveling contingent about to descend upon the district, which includes most of the False 9 staff, we have but one message for fans in the District:
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.