We here at the False Nine, while posing as important food journalists (sorry Eater Austin for any calls you might get, it was the only way), got the scoop on a major off-season move at Q2. The latest and greatest addition to the stadium is a gourmet pasta stall set to debut in 2023 called “Pasta La Muerte!” By donning a fake mustache, a red bow tie, and a spiffy name tag that read “Julius P.” we were able to sneak in and try all the options! Below is a quick look at the menu (we’re doing this all from memory because grabbing a photograph of the menu escaped our minds for reasons unkown):
- Broccoli Florentine and Cheese (Broccoli FC): Described as a comforting hometown classic, reformulated for a new season. Cheese, broccoli, spinach, and a hearty dose of garlic. Originally not a favorite but a few new spices and some extra cheese has turned this dish into one of the most popular and, despite criticism, the portions go further than expected.
- Cacio e Pepas: Seemingly straightforward, but the menu hints at an interesting twist. It is listed as featuring Capos as an ingredient, which I, on behalf of all the False Nine, will go out on a limb and say we’re hoping it’s a typo. Capers would make more sense? Not sure if correcting the presumed typo will save the dish though, depending on one’s feelings on cannibalism. Or capers.
- AHLM: A Front Office favorite (for now). A baked pasta dish that includes everything that makes Austin great, though many of the elements are borrowed from other fixtures including Matt’s El Rancho queso, Franklin BBQ brisket, a tomato sauce made using Jester King Beer, all topped with Easy Tiger breadcrumbs. There’s a lot here to process and I don’t have the ability to unpack everything today. Just going to say that sometimes less is more. It seems like Austin’s answer to “The Skip Scramble”.
- Founder’s Special: Comprises mostly of Rings of tortellini and Tarbell peppers, Strouded (bye Jared! We’ll miss you!!) in a tomato sauce and topped with Romaña cheese. While it’s a generally safe and stable dish, there’s an occasional chance that some red pepper flakes will fall in like confetti, which takes this one out of the rotation for a bit.
- Zannelloni: a tube of bleached buckwheat pasta filled with pork, bacon, and assorted game meats with prominent notes of carraway. It’s quite good across the board, but for some reason they made us eat it entirely left handed.
- Rigatoni: joke is too obvious. I refuse to engage.
- Pasta Lima Vera: A dish of angel hair and seasonal vegetables. The real treat here is the presentation. All of the ingredients are thrown from one side of the stall into a bowl on the other side, accuracy not guaranteed. When everything (or most things), make it in quickly, it’s a solid dish. Just might take a while to receive depending on the skill of the employee preparing it. All we’re saying is your food might end up in Row Z.
- FeliPesto: Rotini with a bold pesto, flakes of red and yellow pepper make this dish fairly spicy. It’s served in a puff pastry bowl (I’ve been told that the lamination of that dough is SUPERB). I think the FO is getting too into cooking shows because between the length of the menu and the Great British Bakeoff-isms…
- Pasta to the Death: Spaghetti with 1/4lb butter, 1/2 lb parmesan cheese, and syringe of additional cholesterol to inject into your veins at the end. Your screams of anguish after eating this will definitely be even louder when you’re down.
- Frito Pie: I think that the chef somewhat lost the plot
Protein Addition Options
- Beef: Longhorn (locally sourced) $15
- Please note, all cows are screened to ensure that they are from no further North than West, Texas.
- Chicken: The False Nine Chickens might have been wrong one too many times. We’ll have to check the compound later to confirm their safety.
- Veal: limited edition pro-teen. Only available until Owen Wolff gets his first goal or turns 20 (whichever happens first).
- Vegetarian Option: It’s just Dasani and protein powder.
- 8oz cups of Franzia that are inexpiably $24 ea (limit 5 per transaction) tapped from bags nailed to the wall. I miss the Jellyfish. At least it doesn’t have the aftertaste of rusty metal. Not sure why I’ve had 8 cups so far.