We knew it. My beloved hens foretold a draw vs. Atlanta but included a caveat that, should our missing defenders make it onto the pitch, all bets are off. They came in and they spanked those several striped players. Lest you think, gentle reader, that this column is just some silly pasquinade, you should rest…
My beloved hens and I are slowly coming down from the amazing comeback vs. Colorado a few days ago. I should amend that statement to say: amazing to some, but not us. Lest you forget, gentle reader, the chickens saw it coming and told you so. I fear too many of you don’t recognize their…
After predicting El FC’s win vs. Charlotte, my beloved hens and I were riding high. In fact, we were reminded of this classic song: I found myself humming this tune for a bit before it occurred to me: Rocky Mountains? Denver? El FC? I’m a professional augur. I see the will of the gods through…
Listen, gentle reader. I messed up last match’s prediction. I knew it all along. It’s so predictable. I knew something like my prediction would go wrong (something’s always wrong). So you don’t have to call or say anything at all. It’s so predictable (so predictable). I mean, everyone’s been calling. Like I’ve been gone for…
San Julius, Wolfie, and I were faffing about the compound yesterday. Truth be told, despite the bucolic setting of our house on Town Lake, with its gentle water-borne breezes, it gets hotter than H-E double hockey sticks. (Fun fact: the hottest days of the year are called the “Dog days of summer” because Sirius, the…
I’ll be honest with you, gentle readers. I’m happier than Mario Götze on a boat (for the love of all that is good, do not do a google image search of that phrase from your work computer or with anyone else around). Yes, it has been a challenging few weeks. I lost a beloved hen….
I don’t get it. Our chakras were aligned, our auras had been cleansed, essential oils had been applied. We were so happy to see each other again. Predictions were made. Predictions, as it turned out, that were way off. I was at a loss. This had never happened before in all my career taking the…
What a great time I had at the annual convention for chicken augurs, which is run by our professional organization, Continuation for Learning and Understanding Chicken Kinetics (CLUCK)! I sat in on some wonderful lectures, observed fantastic demonstrations, and traipsed about the vendor floor. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was that all pelleted…
My beloved hens and I are usually a stoic bunch. Excitement for us is when Tomlinson’s has ethcially-sourced, pelleted feed on sale. But, our normal, unflappable selves were tested as El FC lost to the Carson Galaxy. The chickens predicted a 1-1 draw and were probably right. Seriously. Look at that xG! Without a doubt,…
What a week! I can feel the blood pulsating through me, granting me life with every throb. In fact, all four of my humors are perfectly in balance. Nothing phlegmatic or choleric over here. Fresh from our trip to the somewhat beautiful Foxwoods, my precious hens and I are living in perfect harmony. The chickens…