Chef Rodo’s Kitchen Nightmares

Hey friends!  Been a while.  I’ll be honest, most of the staff took a break towards the end of the 2024 season because, well, things were bleak, and we were tired of being depressed.  But it’s a new year and the wildest off-season in Austin FC’s short history is taking place right before our eyes.

You know that show Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey?  The one where he walks into a failing business, tells them how terrible they are at their jobs, and then sets the business up for success by making needed changes?  That’s basically what Rodolfo Borrell has done since arriving, with this off-season being his magnum opus.  I told the rest of the compound after Rodo was hired that I was curious to see this roster on opening day 2025.  The work isn’t completely done yet, but damn has this team gone through a monster transformation.

Josh Wolff and his terribly predictable brand of soccer is finally in the rear-view mirror.

Aging role players like Ethan Finlay and Hector Jimenez are gone.

Gyasi Zardes, Alex Ring, Matt Hedges, and Jhojan Valencia, with their combined $3.7M in salary are out.  Read that salary number again and then remember that only Alex Ring was a consistent starter last season.  Then ask yourself what in the hell was the previous management team thinking?!

And if the current rumors are true, Austin’s biggest name will soon be departing as well. Tom Bogert and Cesar Merlo are both reporting that Austin FC has come to an agreement with River Plate to sell Sebastian Driussi back to his boyhood club for $10,000,000.  If you haven’t been following this saga, well you’ve missed a lot.

Driussi apparently made it clear that he wanted out of Austin, despite his lucrative $6.7M per year contract, and that the only place he would go is River Plate.  Remember, he is a product of the River academy and has a tattoo of the team’s crest on his body.  Austin was OK selling him, but River apparently low-balled the offer figuring that no one else was bidding on Driussi’s services knowing he would only sign there.  However, River miscalculated two things:

1. Rodolfo Borrell understanding the leverage of Driussi’s contract
2. Estudiantes, a rival team in Argentina, coming in with a massive $10M offer

After some back and forth, River finally appears to be paying up, meaning Austin’s all-time leading scorer will be unceremoniously shipped out of town.  So let me take this time to say thanks for everything Seba.  You produced some magical moments and I appreciate that.  You also weren’t very good in the last two seasons, especially given your salary, but we’ll let that slide a bit.  I would also like to thank you, your agent, and River Plate for overplaying their hand.  The $10m is welcome, since it helps offset…..

BRANDON VAZQUEZ!  Austin FC splashed $10M to purchase Brandon Vazquez away from Monterrey and for the first time in team history, ATXFC enters the season with a striker to fear.  Vazquez was a menace at Cincinnati before being sold to the Liga MX giants but returns to MLS just entering his prime at 26 years old.  He’s exactly what Austin has needed since day one.

Also entering the squad is some much-needed midfield leadership in Ilie Sanchez.  The MLS veteran should lock down the defensive midfield spot and free up Dani Periera to move higher up the pitch in a box-to-box attacking role where he so often shines.  Most importantly, Sanchez is on a team friendly GAM contract. 

So what does the expected roster look like right now?

GOALKEEPERS (3): Stefan Cleveland, Damian Las, Brad Stuver

DEFENDERS (8): Guilherme Biro, Julio Cascante, Mikkel Desler, Jon Gallagher, Brendan Hines-Ike, Žan Kolmanič, Oleksandr Svatok, Leo Väisänen

MIDFIELDERS (4): Micah Burton, Dani Pereira, Owen Wolff, Ilie Sanchez

FORWARDS/WINGERS (6): Osman Bukari, Jimmy Farkarlun, CJ Fodrey, Jáder Obrian, Diego Rubio, Brandon Vazquez

Friends, this is encouraging.  Brad Stuver continues to be on the best keepers in the league, and a back 4 that includes Biro, Svatok, and Desler + Sanchez in front of them as a defensive mid should make Austin a tough opponent to score against.  One of the biggest battles to watch this season should be who is the CB starter alongside Svatok?  My money is on Brendan Hines-Ike, but it’s a wide-open race for that 2^nd spot.

The midfield needs work.  It’s being reported that Austin is about to sign a 20-year-old defensive midfielder from Argentina named Nicolas Dubersarsky.  He looks to be the backup for Ilie Sanchez and could be the successor at the spot by 2026, as Ilie is on a 1+1 contract.

The other glaring hole is the need for a playmaking, attacking midfielder.  While Driussi scored goals, he was never the guy to create and unlock the rest of the team.  His skill revolves around reading the game and pouncing as the 2^nd attacker, being in the right spot at the right time.  With the arrival Vazquez, this team needs someone to be that creator and facilitator.  Luckily there are a couple on the market in MLS right now who want out of their current clubs with one sticking out like Dirk Diggler seeing his name in lights for the first time.

Chef Rodo, could I interest you in today’s special?  His name is Evander.

Evander is an immediate upgrade over Driussi and at 26 is just entering his prime years.  The Portland talisman had 34 goal contributions in 27 games last year, averaging one per 72 minutes on his way to an MLS Best XI season.  He is very publicly unhappy in Portland and wants out but has also stated a desire to stay in the league.  GO. GET. HIM. 

As for the front line, it’s best this club has seen to date.  Osman Bukari is a creative and fast winger on the right side.  Vazquez and Rubio make a nice pairing as striker options.  And then there’s a ton of competition for minutes on the left side with Jader Obrian, CJ Fodrey, and Jimmy Farkarlun available.  However, I don’t expect any of those three men to be the opening day starter.  Getting one more international winger on a max TAM contract seems like the play.  Austin is being linked with Myrto Uzuni from La Liga 2’s Granada, which would likely make him the team’s 3^rd DP and kill off the Evander dream.  If we don’t end up with Uzuni, I would expect another name to pop up quickly.

Rodolfo Borrell took over a club that would have Chef Ramsey screaming “YOU DONKEY”.  He always said it take 3-4 transfer windows to shape this team in his image.  We are now seeing what that image looks like.  And friends, it appears to be some of that gourmet shit.