The Choppa is a shepherd; One I absolutely want. Dani trained him to lie down in Verde pitches; He leadeth me to beer showers. He’s learning how to roll; he leadeth me in the paths of comebacks for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the hallways of Q2, I will fear no opponent; for…
To begin with, I feel it necessary to share this once last time. In her prescience, San Julius knew what was up. In a surprise to many, the world also found out that our sacred hens can not only see into the future but they can also send text messages. A terrifying combination, tbh. Needless…
Do you like goals? Then boy howdy did MLS provide for you last week! One would think scoring may revert to the mean a little this weekend across the league as the stars of MLS should be tired from kicking Liga MX’s all over Minnesota. But it’s MLS, so expect chaos at all times. The…
There was a giveaway during Austin FC’s bi yearly chaos filled matches with San Jose, who this author assumes are contractually obligated to ever play a normal or mundane match. For a quick refresher on how that rubric is set up: the giveaway is graded 1-100 with 5 points possible for the Look, Usability, and…
The weekly report on La Murga de Austin’s setlist and an analysis of which songs correspond to goals scored or conceded by Austin FC.
Welcome to the latest feature here on the False 9, Magic Number Watch! Since many of us here are also baseball fans, we wanted to apply a baseball concept to MLS, known as the magic number. Around this time of year, baseball fans start looking towards the magic number to know how many games their…
***Warning*** Nerdy post to follow. What a memorable trip! How fortunate was I that Travel caught COVID and gave me his tickets to both Malta and Greece. I had never been to either and was excited to go a ramblin’. In fact, I’m just finishing up my trip as I write. My plane should be…
Welcome to the time in the MLS season where the term “6-pointer” becomes part of the match week preview! What is a 6-pointer you ask? It’s when two teams battling for similar playoff positions face-off in a game. If one team picks up the win, they gain three points while the other theoretically loses out…
The end of the MLS Transfer Window is upon us! We’ve consulted with the False Nine legal team at the firm of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe to pick through the Byzantine complex of MLS salary rules to find you the most interesting tidbits and their modern applications: Golf Club Sponsorship Exemption A player’s salary doesn’t…
Q: Uncle Tony P, why is there a mid-week cheering guide when Austin FC doesn’t play until the weekend?A: Don’t know, don’t care. MLS Mid-week Madness baby!!! <clanks beers together like Stone Cold> Q: OK, but do you plan on doing actual analysis for these matches?A: Hell no! Quick hits here we come. Games That…