After a wildly successful Opening Day win, the Verde and Black are back at Q2 Stadium today for a nationally televised matchup with Inter Miami of the Eastern Conference. Like last week, this will be a first meeting ever between the two clubs, so lets get to the research.
Inter Miami Fast Facts
- MLS Debut: 2020
- Current Record: 0-0-1 (1 pt)
- Finish Last Season: 11th East (41 pts)
- Nickname: The Herons
- Trophies: 0
- Wooden Spoons: 0
- Names You May Know: Gonzalo Higuain, DeAndre Yedlin, Brek Freakin’ Shea
- Notable Famous Natives: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Gloria Estefan, Sydney Portier, Ace Ventura
What is Inter Miami’s Claim to Fame?
Bending the rules like Beckham. Which, in hindsight, is entirely understandable when you realize that MLS completely changed the rules for David Beckham once before (see: Galaxy, L.A.). By the way, Inter Miami still haven’t finished better than 10th in the East despite the cheating. May I suggest a new plan?
What is Miami’s biggest export?
There are so many routes we could go here. The fantastic food scene. Endless parties. Creative art. Cocaine. However, we’ll choose to go with something different. For you see friends, Miami is the home of Carnival Cruise Lines. And I can think of no better representation of Miami than a Carnival ship. Glitzy. Gluttonous. Kind of dirty. Cheap to get to and expensive once you’re trapped inside. Ultimately disappointing. Its a place where mistakes will be made and then spoken of in 10 years like it was the most amazing experience ever, meaning you’ll somehow convince yourself to go back and 3 days into the trip wonder “What the hell am I doing here?!”
Who are Inter Miami’s biggest rivals?
They really don’t like Orlando. Like, at all. And it makes total sense. One city has a vibrant, thriving, unique culture. The other has Epcot.
Why are they nicknamed The Herons but have a crest that looks more like Flamingo?
I wish I had a better answer here. One of the team’s primary colors is pink. The logo has two birds standing on one leg each. You know what bird is widely known for being pink and standing on one leg? A FUCKING FLAMINGO, THAT’S WHAT! Get your shit together.
Final Match Day Hate Rating
I think this scene from The Big Lebowski probably sums up my feelings most succinctly. Minus the cussing part. We’re cool with the curse words.
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.