Y’all, I gotta be honest. I forgot to do a Know Your Foe last week for Montreal. Oops. But you damn well know I’m not missing this one. And there’s really only one thing to know:
Dallas Burn. FC Dallas that plays 45 minutes from actual Dallas. Whatever you want to call yourselves, just know that your “city” is awful, your stadium is hot garbage, your Supporter’s Section is the size of a 2A high school basketball gym, and your chants are straight out of the Create an MLS Club playbook.
Essentially, you are the suburban Karen’s of MLS. You love screaming “Pay Attention To Me” with nothing to show for it but a trophy cabinet that is as empty as your stadium. No one likes you. No one wants to be around you, including the city of Dallas, which is why you were shunned to play in Oklahoma’s asshole. So if you could all kindly do us a favor, please gas up your mini-vans and fuck off.
To our boys in Verde & Black, tonight is different. It matters just a little bit more. Beat the shit out of these Applebee’s loving assholes. It’s for the good of humanity.
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.