Hello everyone, as I am sure all of you are aware, this season has been absymal…
For the chickens ability to predict games. Sorry, that probably should have been one sentence, it really goes to show how out of sorts everything is here at the Compound.
With only one match predicted correctly so far this season, I’m at a loss. I see the chickens, I read their signs and signals like Louis used to, but I have to look at the results from an unbiased perspective.
The Chickens have lost the Sight.
It’s hard to believe when the chickens have done so much for us, brought us so many laughs and good times, but how else could we move forward with the chickens predicting matches when we, a serious and honest publication, are utilizing chickens we know can’t provide the service we claim.
We would never do that to you, our dear readers, who we have the utmost respect for.
It is with great sadness that we have to announce: the Chickens have been sent to a farm, upstate, with lots of room to roam and run around, with other chickens just like them. Wolffie and San Julius will have long (for chickens) lives and not have to deal with me coaxing them to predict soccer matches anymore. In fact, the deal I made with the farmer specifically mentions they not have any soccer happen within a 74.5 mile radius.
So it is time to present the new chicken: The Colonel
I knew the Colonel meant business immediately, switching the wheat he was gnawing on from one side of his mouth, letting it bob twice, then the other side, letting it bob once. Then he nodded at me.
Vancouver Whitecaps 2 – Austin FC 1