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The Chickens Predict: Austin FC vs. FC Dallas

Posted on March 30, 2024March 25, 2024 by Charles Peacock

Hello dear readers,

I’m not going to lie to you, it’s tough to write these, almost as tough as is it to watch this current iteration of Austin FC. From the lack of defending, the lack of offense, the lack of Josh Wolff taking accountability, it’s tough to find any kind of silver lining.

So we’ve been trying to find joy where we can, and much of that has been spent on the road, trying to road trip to see all the sights, eat all the food, and hopefully not spend half the trip in line at Buccee’s trying to get gas.

Not that the traffic isn’t worth it, they have the cleanest restrooms in the state. They always have food available, specifically the Beaver Nuggets that are known to be delicious and easy to eat while on the road.

They are also a favorite food of the chickens, who i’ve begun taking on these road trips, mostly because they seem lonely pecking around at the Compound without Louis there to tend to them 24/7. I’m more of a 2/7 kind of chicken caretaker, and frankly, I think they have begun to resent me.

So I did what any sometimes caretaker of lonely chickens would do: I started adopting chickens to keep them company. It’s pretty easy to find chickens, just go to any surburb or exurb and inevitably there’s someone with a coop and pretending to be a poultryperson when really they’re just providing prey for local cats. By chicken rustling away from these places I’m actually saving them.

The Chickens and I have found these drives relaxing, not the least of which because in researching how best to keep chickens calm in a vehicle, I found chickens respond well to music, especially classical music.

So inbetween Bach, Beethoven, some Tchaikovsky and driving The False Nine Texas news van to the Buccee’s in Wharton, Texas I realized something: I’ve become a Poultryman. I was surrounded by chickens outside the Buccee’s as they waited for me to return with bags of Beaver Nuggets.

In spending time with them I grew the flock, their brothers and sisters being an accepted part of their community. I felt a fatherly feeling toward them, like I am their protector, now if only Austin FC could protect the ball or their goal in the same way.

Austin FC 1 – FC Exurbia – 2

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