| Lawful Good: Vancouver | Neutral Good: Real Salt Lake | Chaotic Good: San Jose |
| Lawful Neutral: Colorado | True Neutral: Seattle | Chaotic Neutral: Minnesota |
| Lawful Evil: LA Galaxy | Neutral Evil: LAFC | Chaotic Evil: St. Louis CITY |
We were watching Sunday night’s primetime match between the LA Galaxy and the San Jose Earthquakes at the compound. First off, Don Garber, we love having more matches outside of the 7:30 PM Saturday window, as it allows us to actually see other teams.
One of the teams that we love to watch play in the West is San Jose. Their matches are always absurd, and Sunday’s 4-3 loss in the California Clasico was no exception. We have seen a lot of bad defenses, but San Jose’s this year may win some wooden awards. If San Jose continues at their current pace, they would give up 91 goals on the year, which would break the league record by 16 goals!
There is no doubt that San Jose is a chaos team, but a debate broke around the compound to whether they are good, neutral, or evil. Their constant shithousery could make the case for them to be evil. Their lack of an off the pitch rivalry with us could lead them to neutral. However, I settled on good, since their chaos is wildly entertaining to us as fans.
Once we completed defining, San Jose, we figured that we had to complete the rest of the alignments for Western Conference teams. After our opening match with them last year, St. Louis CITY and their name-calling, energy drink soccer wins our award for chaotic evil. To round out the evil end, Michael Boxell brings in a ton of chaotic energy. While we like the Minnesota folks off the pitch, on the pitch, they get the chaotic neutral slot.
Moving into the neutral category, LAFC is the easy winner of the neutral evil. They are clearly up to evil things on and off the pitch that are sometimes outside the scope of the law, but not truly chaotic. Seattle gets our true neutral spot as they are a fine club with nothing inherently good or evil about them. We recognize that is progress to long time MLS fans, who often accuse them of claiming to have invented everything. On the neutral good, we’ll put Real Salt Lake, who we managed to beat in a dramatic playoff victory at home in 2022. They did enough silly things in that match that they stay in the neutral good position for a while.
On the lawful side, while the players on the Whitecaps don’t like us, they strike us at the lawful good type. Being Canadian, they are always pleasant and very law abiding. We put Colorado into the lawful neutral category as they have been rule followers who allow us to have a lot of fun in their stadium. Finally, we put the LA Galaxy as lawful evil as they usually (but not always) follow the rules, but have historically led to rules being changed to accommodate their needs. Also, trading for Diego was the epitome of lawful evil here at the compound.
Agree or disagree? Feel free to sound off in the comments or on our various social media platforms.