WEST LAKE HILLS — Texas Tifo Solutions (TTS), an Austin-based consulting firm that helps soccer supporters create large pre-match art displays known as tifos, has earned a major investment from a rising player in the global soccer scene: The Qatar Investment Authority. TTS CEO “Dirty” Martin Berhalter announced the deal at a press conference today at Texas Honey Ham in West Lake Hills.
The Qatari investment comes as TTS is primed for major growth, as the popularity of Soccer (known as “Voetbal” in the Netherlands) skyrockets in the United States. Interest among the populace will likely grow further with the coming of Our Lord to the shores of Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
TTS is the creative force behind dozens of tifos raised by supporters across North America. A recent project for LA Galaxy fans was displayed before their much hyped July 4 “El Tráfico” derby against LAFC at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif. Additionally, TTS has created other iconic and well received tifos such as Crew Cat, Thiccccc Little Dragon and Demon Pulisic.
Acclaimed by theologians and soccer fans alike; Demon Pulisic signaled TTS’ jump-scare entrance into International Football (Global Soccer). The company’s work is not without challenges. Even at home, in Austin, they have had to pause their role as a front-office paid contractor with Austin FC. TTS says they will work with ATXFC again if owner Anthony Precourt settles several outstanding invoices with the company. As of press time, Precourt was on his 100th European stadium tour of the year and could not be reached for comment.
The Qatar Investment Authority, still enjoying the publicity windfall of the Persian Gulf monarchy’s hosting of the 2022 World Cup, controls the vast sovereign wealth of the small but oil rich country. Qatar continues to see Soccer (called Fußball in Germany) as a vehicle to diversify the country’s fossil fuel dependent economy. However, critics of Qatar say that this has less to do with a desire to grow the sport and is more about deflecting the world’s attention from widespread human and labor rights violations there. Critics of Qatar’s longstanding Kafala System claim the labor framework allows rampant employer abuses and has led to construction related fatalities for several thousand foreign laborers in the country.
Despite these alleged “crimes against humanity,” and a World Cup introduction video described by media observers as “uncomfortably weird,” the Qatar World Cup concluded with one of the greatest matches ever played. A dramatic triumph by Our Lord’s Argentina over the hated and reviled bastards of France. An incomparable victory in which Argentines and Argentinophones continue to luxuriate with every waking moment.
Berhalter says Qatar’s investment comes with the condition that TTS relocate its headquarters from their current space in the storage room of an Austin gentrification incubator, to the affluent Austin suburb of West Lake Hills. “The Qatar Football Association has many local supporters in the Westlake community”, said QIA CEO Mohamed Bin Ebrahim al-Mahmoud, “You surely noticed them in the stands of Q2 Stadium during last year’s Gold Cup match against the United States. The roots of Qatari football in Westlake are as deep and strong as the history of the sport in Qatar itself.”
Responding to a question about whether Concacaf paid marginally interested people in Westlake to attend the match as fans of Qatar, al-Mahmoud says, “There would be no need for that. This is fake news spread by a jealous and biased Western Media. Ask anyone on the street in Westlake and they will tell you, “We steadfastly support the State of Qatar and pledge our eternal allegiance to the House of Thani”.
Added al-Mahmoud, “We hope TTS enjoys their 3rd floor view of Randalls.”