For many of us who have followed the team since before it had a stadium, a logo, or even a name, it’s been magical having a soccer team in Austin to support. This author bought one of the first run of Austin FC t-shirts thinking that there was still a decent chance the team wouldn’t happen and it would be a cool collectors item. Now, many years later Austin FC fans are facing a crisis that we were not expecting in Year 2: Our team is really fucking good. Like, best in the league good:
Not only that, we’re fun!
No lead is safe, down two goals due to lapses in concentration? Don’t worry, we’re going to score a bunch of goals in response*, and possibly in incredibly dramatic fashion. Austin FC is the only MLS club to not have played a scoreless draw this season, and this exciting style of play has led to us gaining fans, even our early season nemesis: Andrew Wiebe.
Or
Taylor Twellman
Not only that, but have you looked at this team?
The smiles, the arms, the abs…those thighs. How can anyone not love this team?
So, you’re a new Austin fan, you weren’t at the city council meetings, you didn’t get doxxed by Columbus Crew fans, and you weren’t at the Match on Verde Hill, but we here at The False Nine are going to bring you up to speed.
Here are answers to a few common questions:
Q: Why do fans call it McKalla and not Q2?
A: That area of Austin is known as McKalla Place. It’s right next to the JJ Pickle Research Center and was the site of a chemical plant for Reichold chemical that closed in 1985. When the city attempted to use that land for Austin Water, four workers were killed in an explosion because the company didn’t “dispose of all the chemicals safetly.” It was a dormant area for decades until the stadium was built and fans referred to it as McKalla Place since it didn’t have a name yet. The rail station next to the stadium is going to take on the name as well, which will forever embed it into Austin FC culture.
Q: Why do fans refer to Kamal Miller and Joe Corona as “Austin FC Legends?”
A: The 2020 Expansion Draft has to go down as a false start for the club. Of the five players drafted only two are currently with the club (Danny Hoesen and Jared Stroud). Miller was an Austin FC player for less than 5 minutes before he was traded and Corona never agreed to a deal with Austin, so his rights were then picked up by the Houston Dynamo, where he only played for one season.
Q: Is Anthony Precourt really a snake?
A: Anthony Precourt is the primary owner of Austin FC, he used to own a club in the worst possible location to own anything: Columbus, Ohio. Due to sagging attendance and interest he sought to move the team to Austin. A reasonable decision any person of sound mind would make, because:
Precourt was on MLS’ expansion committee and specifically had it in his ownership agreement that he could move the club to Austin. Due to these machinations the entire Columbus Crew fanbase (the dozens of them) called him a snake, despite how everyone got exactly what they wanted: Precourt got to own a club in a place people actually want to live and Columbus fans kept their club and got a new stadium, where the roof leaks and they still can’t sell out.
Q: Is Matthew McConoughey really the Minister of Culture?
A: Look, we love Matthew, he’s a wonderful actor and no one has ever had more charisma on a movie screen than he did in the surprisingly not based on a Shakespeare play “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” But, he’s not the Minister of Culture, his appearance in a Riddler cosplay before the first match is one of my favorite moments at Q2, but the Austin FC fan culture isn’t due to any one person, it’s due to the collective effort of many people who have put in countless hours with names that have never been on a movie poster.
Q: What’s the deal with all the Pringles stuff? Is it really a cult?
A: No, it’s not really a cult. It started due to an MLS promotion that allowed fans to get MLS store gift cards by buying Pringles. The amount on the gift cards was substantially more than what a can of Pringles costs, so fans naturally bought a bunch of Pringles to build up huge store credit and their match day wardrobes. Due to the prevalence of the snack crisp a lot of people like to incorporate the Pringles logo (Julius Pringle) at the stadium.
Q: Why do Austin FC fans hate teenagers so much?
A: In 2021 the Seattle Sounders, decimated by injuries, started a handful of teenagers against Austin FC at Q2 and fans were confident in getting a result against one of the premier sides in the league. Unfortunately Seattle’s teenagers (along with some magic from Raul Ruidiaz), were able to best Austin 1-0 in what was possibly the nadir of the 2021 season.
Q: What is the “Horseshoe of Sadness?”
A: This term was coined during the 2021 season when fans were repeatedly subjected to watching Austin pass the ball around the perimeter of the pitch between their defenders and wingers. It boosted possession numbers but ultimately resulted in no incisiveness or verticality (ruthless or compassionate) and led to a lot of frustration amongst fans.
Q: Did fans really cheer on a napkin?
A: Yes, it was during a match against Seattle, and it was riveting.
Q: Why is there a plastic chicken that everyone takes pictures with?
A: That’s El Pollo, he’s been to every match, a dedicated group of volunteers make sure he’s there, home and away, and unlike Julius Pringle it does have a religious like reverence due to the miracle at DC, or “that time Austin only scored when El Pollo was in the stands.”
Q: Which player’s picture is in the Louvre?
A: The first draft pick in Austin FC history, Dani Pereira scored his first goal for the club against Houston in April of this year, and a fan covered up some painting of a woman who isn’t smiling with an iPad image of it.
Q: If Yeti is a sponsor why does the line to fill reusable tumblers so long?
A: This has been an ongoing problem as Texas summer has become as hot as our team is on the field, but it makes no sense that there are so few water stations at Q2, especially when this club has led to so many liquids thrown in the area in celebration.
There’s a rundown for everyone who is still learning to call it Verde instead of Green. Welcome, we are all family here and we welcome those who have seen the light.
*Response is not covered against the LA Galaxy