Austin FC Players As Boy Band Members

We are now two games into our second season, and the depth charts, player analysis and comparison articles are a dime a dozen. Some might say boring. As your health, wellness, and lifestyle analyst, it’s my job to identify the gaps in coverage of this team and provide you with what you REALLY need to know. So without further delay: your Austin FC players as boy band members.

Backstreet Boys

Alex Ring // Nick Carter

Aside from being a blonde haired, blue eyed frontman, I’m not sure these two have much in common. (Unless Alex has a younger brother who beat Shaq.) If I’m being honest, I could so clearly see Ring punching an opponent in the face if they called him Nick Carter. I like that kind of aggression in a man, so that’s why I paired these two up.

Žan Kolmanič // Brian Littrell

Brian Littrell was not just the Backstreet Boy some set their heart on when their best friend called dibs on Nick Carter first. He was the second lead of the group. A man for those with refined taste. Brian showed up, flashed that Brian smile, did the work like a BOSS and cemented his legacy with ease. Much like Brian, Žan doesn’t need all the flashiness of a Nick Carter type to be desirable and the true aficionados know this.

Nick Lima // Kevin Richardson

Oh, Kevin. Every group needs a Kevin. Every group needs a Lima. Wisdom, power, reliability, sparkling complexion. Kevin never gets the same credit as the leading falsetto men because he is a baritone. Without Kevin? Without Lima? Chaos. Sure they might be in the background, but they provide a strong base upon which the rest of the guys can reliably stand. That’s priceless.

Max Urruti // AJ McLean

If you were a tween or teen in the prime BSB years, you know that AJ’s tattoos, piercings and goatee instantly made him the baddie of the group. (Probably because there was not a single kid on the playground with facial hair yet, so he seemed ROUGH and mature by comparison.) Looking at Austin FC, Max is so clearly that baddie. The facial hair. The ponytail. The tats. The EARRING?! This man is a beast in his cleats and a Backstreet Boy in the streets.

Brad Stuver // Howie Dorough

Did you EVER see Howie with a single hair out of place? Exactly. See where I’m going with this? We all know the only hair with more determination and hold than Stuver’s belonged to Gorilla Glue Girl. Stuver is an understated backbone of the team, as Howie was to BSB. If the ghost of Christmas future visited you and could show you what an Austin FC without Brad Stuver would look like, you would without a doubt say “Wow. This feels exactly like what a Howie-less BSB would feel like.” Howie flew under the radar for years before people finally started to take notice and appreciate him for the talented, respectful, humble king he is. Sound familiar?

NSYNC

Diego Fagundez // Justin Timberlake

 Justin is a quadruple threat. He can sing and play music, act, dance and is athletic. Throw him into any situation and he finds a way to fit. That’s Diego. Whether he’s playing soccer, filling in for La Murga, DJing, letting us know that all veterans are welcome at Capitol Chevrolet, or gaming like a boss on twitch, Diego is EASILY the Timberlake of the group.

Sebastian Driussi // JC Chasez

Back in NSYNC’s prime, if you thought Justin Timberlake was the group’s #1, you were a walking red flag. You either just weren’t looking hard enough, or you were incapable of recognizing the greatness that emanated from JC’s talented pores. JC had without a doubt the best voice, dance moves, encyclopedic knowledge of musical history AND he was also a beautiful specimen. By NSYNC’s second album, many lost souls had finally converted to the church of JC, but some just couldn’t be helped. What I’m trying to say is, if you haven’t found yourself a fan of Driussi yet, you’re a walking red flag and your brain is very smooth.

Cecilio Dominguez // Chris Kirkpatrick

EVERYONE MADE FUN OF CHRIS! Ok. So he had the pineapple hair early on in his career and he wasn’t the star of the show, but he was important! Those high notes aren’t going to hit themselves while Timberlake is off doing harmonies and vocal runs. Yes, Eminem dissed him in a song, but Chris got the last laugh when he was awarded the role of Chip Skylark on Fairly OddParents. Anyway, everyone who was digging into Ceci last year now gets to happily eat their words while he tears it up out there.

Dani Pereira // Lance Bass

Shut up. Shh. Stop. Let me explain. First of all, you know nothing. Second of all, shut up. Lance was the baritone of the group. A very unsuspecting role for a guy like him. It took me until I was like 18 to realize that he sang all the low notes. THAT IS A VERY IMPORTANT JOB. Dani may not be the in-your-face favorite, just like Lance wasn’t, but he’s got heart, an adorable baby-face, and is needed at show time just as much as the rest of them. He has a loyal following of fans, as did/does Lance, and they’re both hilarious and worthy of a follow on social media.

Julio Cascante // Joey Fatone

You thought I was just going to stand by and tolerate Cascante slander, huh? Well I will not have it. Just like I will not and HAVE NOT let anyone verbally crap on Joey Fatone. Joey can dance, sing and joke laps around most dudes, but but because he was older, was banished to the background of every group photo and wasn’t a Timberlake or Chasez, he was overlooked. Joey seemed to have problems with his pants just as much as Julio does. Plus, just like Joey, Julio is the favorite of MANY suburban moms.

Bonus Content:

Kipp Keller // Hanson

Kipp Keller is all three members of Hanson.