Any reader of The False 9 should know that an Electric Jellyfish will set you back eighteen American dollars at McKalla. And anyone with a moderate knowledge of Atlanta United’s home stadium should know it is renowned for its reasonable prices. So we decided to conduct an experiment: what could we get at Mercedes-Benz Stadium for the cost of one Q2 Jellyfish?
The first thing to know about MBS is that it is a massive facility when compared to McKalla. The listed capacity is 70,000 people, and Saturday was one of the handful of Atlanta United matches where they opened the upper tier. As the travelling Austin FC supporters were sequestered in the nosebleed seats, our research was limited to food and drink options in the 300 level. Even then, it took us almost 45 minutes to peruse those stalls, stands, and kiosks. If any bargain delights awaited us on the lower levels, we may never know.
As we have been known to enjoy a cold beverage from time to time, locating the nearest beer stand was the first order of business. And dear reader, we were not disappointed.
A five dollar bill gets you twelve ounces of alcoholic refreshment. That’s equivalent to just 0.27 Jellyfishes! We are people of hearty appetites so we were tempted to pull the trigger on the 20oz pour for $10.50, but we also didn’t want to blow more than half of our budget right out of the gate. So we opted for the smaller size and continued our journey. We feel obligated to mention that ATL Easy Ale isn’t anything to write home about, but it was local and quaffable and, again, it was five bucks.
- Item: 12oz ATL Easy Ale
- Cost: $5.00
- Money remaining: $13.00
Next we wanted to get our food situation sorted. We keep a mostly vegetarian diet here at Chateau Pennypacker, and thus were prepared to find stadium options that were a) limited and b) confoundingly expensive. Imagine our surprise, then, when the first hot dog stand on our journey greeted us with this:
Friends, if the price of beer seemed like an aberration, the cost of a vegan hot dog seemed like an impossibility. For reference, the same item at McKalla is $11.99.
We should note here that we didn’t take a picture of the hot dog we ordered, because photos of stadium food are almost always disappointing (but we still love you, Footy Scran). There’s just not a lot of sex appeal in a snapshot of a soy-based artificial pork product served on a cardboard tray, y’know? So we’ll just say for the record that our dog came with a relish of diced squash and zucchini, which added a welcome bit of crunchiness. Toss on a couple of tongfuls of complimentary diced onions, jalapenos, and mustard and now you’re in business. Was it the best vegan dog we’ve ever had? No. Were we tempted to spend the rest of our money on another three of those tasty sumbitches? Absolutely.
- Item: Vegan Hot Dog
- Cost: $3.00
- Money remaining: $10.00
So now we’d had a bite to eat and a cold beer, and we still had a sawbuck in our pocket. It felt like we were committing a crime. We were tempted to just blow the rest on two more beers for “Cuervos” ammunition, but our commitment to journalistic rigor meant that we needed to continue our research. And what we found was a cavalcade of reasonable-to-unbelievable prices all the way around.
Did you want some popcorn? Sure, that’ll be two bucks. Big soft pretzel? Same.
A gosh dang kale caesar? $6.50.
Perhaps we wanted to swipe a couple more bucks from The False 9‘s petty cash drawer and spring for a shrimp po-boy (with fries). No problem. Twelve dollars, please. Bee tee dubs, did you know that Poseidon, God of the Oceans, is one of the minority shareholders in Atlanta United? He cut them a deal on seafood. That’s the only explanation.
If we weren’t people of unquenchable thirst who made a bee-line to the beer tent, we could have had a WHOLE DAMN PIZZA for the cost of one Q2 Jellyfish.
It just went on and on like this, as we were now lost in a dizzying sea of three dollar tater tots and six dollar chicken sandwiches.
Purchasing this braised brisket mac and cheese at Q2 would require you to take out a second mortgage on your home. It Atlanta it was ten smackaroos.
Even the booze was cheap as far as these things go. Rare is the bar in Austin nowadays that would give you a double Deep Eddy Ruby for fifteen bucks, and Deep Eddy was born here!
In the end, we opted for a second beer, a bucket of popcorn, and a $2 soda that came with unlimited refills (because of course it did). And we still had a dollar left over, which we will be using to buy a postage stamp: Mssrs. Precourt and co. are due a STRONGLY WORDED LETTER about the prices at McKalla.
- Total items purchased: 12oz ATL Easy Ale x2, vegan hot dog, tub of popcorn, refillable soda, and a first-class USPS “forever” stamp.
- Cost: $17.60
- Money remaining: $0.40
And there you have it. For the cost of one Electric Jellyfish you can live like a king in Mercedes-Benz Stadium. We don’t even have a witty remark to close out this post. We feel like we’ve been getting chiseled in our own house for over a year and now we’re depressed.
Oh well. We may be saps who continually allow ourselves to get ripped off at McKalla, but at least we know how to spell “garbanzo.” So eat that for your eight measly dollars, losers!
H.E. Pennypacker
H.E. Pennypacker spends far too much time thinking about Austin FC, much to the consternation of his friends, family, and employers. He could really go for a sandwich right about now.