Butts. Butts. I like butts.
Wait.
Apparently for legal and “decency” reasons, the erotic friend fiction has to be saved for my secret journal. Lucky for you, I’m still allowed to talk about Butts.
Hans-Jorg Butt was a soccer player from Germany. In German “butt” is “der hintern”. He played a lot of soccer but retired in 2009 so uhhhh yeah. There’s also Nicholas Butt. He’s English and butt in English is still… uhhhh… butt.
That might’ve sounded like a joke. But butts are not a joking matter.
First, the components of these green legs and hams: quads, hamstrings (get it?), calves, and glutes. To run 80 minutes without scoring, and then score three goals after running another 20 minutes requires a lot of leg strength. Gotta do your squats, lunges, resistance bands… Related, I might be “resisting” the fact that I’m somewhat “banned” from the practice facility. Not pitching a fit just ugh!
I think that that’s enough actual information. Onto the real juicy stuff. Butts.
(These are in a random order; everyone has their own preferences for organizing their butt-bank)
- Žan Kolmanič: I would not kick that butt out of my corner. Was that out of bounds? Whoops. 9/10
- Alex Ring: This score is impacted by the number of cards and goals last season. Still impressive, but somehow, seems like the team is still trying to find the just right spot for it. 8/10
- Diego Fagúndez: You always remember your first. Not just your first but(t) also your favorite. Write this off as bias but(t), 11/10 butt/goals
- Sebastián Driussi: As you can see, he can carry the team on his back, a teammate, and still have hops. Calves are on point too! 10/10
- Hector Jiménez: Hovering takes strength, skill, precise timing, and just a sprinkle of magic. 9.5/10
- Brad Stuver: Technically not green and therefore technically not allowed in the article so no rating. Just claps for Blue Stuuuuuuuuu(ver)
- Ethan Finlay: By pure aesthetics not the best butt in the world, but his sassy over the shoulder look really sells it. 8/10
- Ok, You know what. All of them. What’s wrong with having 11 favorite butts? As I always say, the right number of boys is *more* forever! 14/10
