The False 9
Menu
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Newsletter Sign Up
Menu

MLS Cheering Guide – Bye Week Edition

Posted on March 31, 2023March 31, 2023 by Uncle Tony P.

It’s a bye week for the Verde & Black, which means we can sit back, relax, and totally not worry about the struggles seen during the opening month of the season.  It’s Spring now.  Hope is eternal.

<looks at schedule>

OH CRAP WE HAVE TO PLAY AT LAFC NEXT WEEK?!!!


Deep breath.  That’s not until next week.  It will not ruin my April Fool’s Day MLS couch viewing with Cheeto fingers.  And since it’s a bye for us, we’re adding a new category: MLS Sickos Game of the Week!


Let’s get to the cheering guide.

MLS Sickos Game of the Week

Chicago Fire vs D.C. United – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Two teams with a combined 9 points in 9 matches, playing in a wind chill below freezing in front of about 45 people?  And this has Pierre-Luc Lauziere on the whistle?  SIGN ME UP RIGHT NOW!

Oh, you don’t remember Pierre-Luc Lauziere, the man who refereed the home Austin match vs Sporting KC last year?  Yeahhhhh, now you see where we’re going here.

This game has the potential to completely off the rails.  It’s a true MLS Sickos delight.  Enjoy it with me you crazy bastards.

6:30 p.m. Block (Apple TV – *Denotes Free Match)
Philadelphia Union vs Sporting KC
FC Cincinnati vs Inter Miami CF*
Columbus Crew vs Real Salt Lake
Toronto FC vs FC Charlotte*
New England Revolution vs NYCFC*
Orlando City vs Nashville SC
Atlanta United vs New York Red Bulls
L.A. Galaxy vs Seattle Sounders* (Also on FOX)


If you didn’t hear, Felipe, our beloved shithouser, got a retroactive yellow card for simulation this week in his last match for Orlando.  And you know what we say to that?


Felipe can do no wrong.  He and the rest of the Magic Kingdom residents host Nashville in what feels like an early season match for playoff positioning.  Both of these clubs will challenge for a top four spot in the East, and thus home field advantage, making every point count.  If you’re going to watch an Eastern Conference game Saturday, make it this one.

The national TV game this week is in Carson where the Galaxy host Seattle in what should be an unusual atmosphere.  For those unaware, L.A.’s supporter groups are boycotting Galaxy matches until the club ousts General Manager Chris Klein.  How did the team respond?  By giving Klein an extension.  So basically, not everything is calm in South L.A.  And now they get to host a very good Seattle team?


The Sides:  Both of Mickey Mouse’s homes

7:30 p.m. Block (Apple TV – *Denotes Free Match)
FC Dallas vs Portland Timbers*
St Louis vs Minnesota

Here’s where expectations and narratives can make things seem bleaker than they really are sometimes.  It feels like Austin FC is having a rough year so far.  However, when you look at the standings, our boys are even on points with Frisco and one point out of hosting a first round playoff match.  It’s still way too early to get deep into the table, but I felt it was important to point that out as folks hit the panic button.  Also, Frisco plays a bad Portland team this week.

Meanwhile, in the “they can’t keep getting away this” section, St Louis CITY are unblemished so far this season.  No draws.  No losses.  5 games.  5 wins.  It’s the best start in MLS expansion club history.  And now they go home to face Minnesota.  This might be the first game all year where I’m extremely confident the other team won’t gift CITY a goal, but I’m also learning quickly that the there is some serious woo-woo shit going on in St Louis.  This game needs a big ole helping of Minnesota casserole.

The Sides: Trees and Loons

8:30 p.m. Block (Apple TV – *Denotes Free Match)
Colorado Rapids vs LAFC


9:30 p.m. Block (Apple TV – *Denotes Free Match)
San Jose Earthquakes vs Houston Dynamo*
Vancouver Whitecaps vs Club de Foot Montreal

Houston has won two straight.  This doesn’t feel good or right.  I’m banking on resident chaos agents San Jose to fix that for us.

The Side:  Silicon Valley


Uncle Tony P.

Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

The Latest

  • The False Nine Predicts: Austin FC vs. El Paso Locomotive
  • Power Rankings Week 10
  • The False Nine Predicts Austin FC vs. Houston Dynamo or “This is our shortest away day, may as well go”
  • La Murga Report – 4/19/2025 vs. LA Galaxy
  • The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index: HEB Re-Usable Grocery Bag (4/19/2025)

Archives

  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
©2025 The False 9