Know Your Team! There are a lot of new faces around Austin FC this year and a lot of players from previous seasons we think we know, but don’t. Your friends at The False Nine have you covered! Each week we’ll bring you hard-hitting inside information so you can get to know each of our…
Author: Alistair Dennis
Alistair Dennis was raised by a loving family of talking sheep on Skara Brae, Orkney, Scotland. He is currently a wandering Professor of Archery at universities across the United States specializing in the Mongolian Thumb Lock technique.
Know Your Team! – Žan Kolmanič
There are a lot of new faces around Austin FC this year and a lot of players from previous seasons we think we know, but don’t. Your friends at The False Nine have you covered! Each week we’ll bring you hard-hitting inside information so you can get to know each of our beloved squad members…
The False Nine Expands! To Qatar!
Friendly readers of The False Nine, we have some bad news. After our successful launch of The False Nine Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, The World and the ever popular home base of The False Nine Texas, we were excited to bring you our special temporary pop-up TF9 location live from the World Cup in Qatar! The…
Little Known MLS Salary Rules
The end of the MLS Transfer Window is upon us! We’ve consulted with the False Nine legal team at the firm of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe to pick through the Byzantine complex of MLS salary rules to find you the most interesting tidbits and their modern applications: Golf Club Sponsorship Exemption A player’s salary doesn’t…
The False Nine Texas Is Expanding!
We’re Now The False Nine Texas (of Canada too, eh?) Most of you have heard that our sister publication, The Striker Texas, has expanded to California (Don’t Texas our California?) But did you know The False Nine has also recently opened a new office in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, The World? Edmonton is home…
On The Road…..(In Utah)
“HELLO!” Rang out the call from the tarmac. Diego couldn’t believe he’d been sent here, Utah of all places. “I know it’s not what you wanted,” but you should look on the bright side, “You won’t believe how much this book will change your life,” the very midwestern looking gentleman told him as he shoved…
Green Legs and Hams: An Erotic Friend Fiction
Butts. Butts. I like butts. Wait. Apparently for legal and “decency” reasons, the erotic friend fiction has to be saved for my secret journal. Lucky for you, I’m still allowed to talk about Butts. Hans-Jorg Butt was a soccer player from Germany. In German “butt” is “der hintern”. He played a lot of soccer but…
What A Half-Complete Magic: The Gathering Deck I Recently Saw On Sale for $34 Looks Like As Austin FC’s Roster
Some things remind you of the persistence of certain functional memories. You never forget how to ride a bike, as they say, and I’ve never forgotten how to poorly shuffle 60 cards stuffed into individual Kevlar reinforced plastic sheet protectors. You see, unlike Rodney Redes or anything from Fanatics, these cards are valuable. …