It’s been a great week for Austin FC fans. The team defeated both in state rivals 3-0 to take a lead atop the Copa Tejas standings and they hired Rodolfo Borrell as new Sporting Director (former Liverpool and City academy director, and Pep Guardiola assistant).
Life is beautiful
It was beautiful
Like how dark clouds encroaching upon the sky can ruin a perfect summer’s day, this was e-mailed to us and posted everywhere on social media:
At The False Nine we have ranked the previous MLS Training tops and upon seeing this kit (and briefly regretting the gift of sight) it has been decided through unanimous vote: This is the ugliest kit in the history of kits.
It’s difficult to even start this breakdown, but the first impression is that the pattern is horrific, if not least because it’s so eerily similar to the hotel carpet in the Overlook Hotel from “The Shining.”
For those who don’t know, its a story about how writer’s block can only be solved by going outside in the cold for a few minutes. The pattern is an affront to the eyes, giving it a near hypnotic spiral look one can get lost in as we think about the First Avenger. The snaking of the red outline gives an odd wave pattern that never ends.
The gold lettering/logos don’t go along with anything Captain America related, unless this is also a subliminal message that we should go back to the Gold standard and eliminate FIAT money, a dodgy policy position in today’s global economy.
While I understand this is the “Americana” themed top and they stuck to the most cosmetically patriotic Avenger, Steve Rogers and his super human abilities would be able to look at this and note that they didn’t even bother to put the sponsor name on a straight line, an impressive feat considering the horizontal stripe base pattern of the kit.
It follows the line of the previous worst training kit in the history of MLS: The bacon kit
Is it a surprise the two ugliest kits are also FC Dallas colors? We think not.
Unfortunately this author has resigned himself into knowing this kit will appear in the Verde Wall despite how it should sit in the Verde store unbought only to be placed in the same warehouse as the Arc of the Covenant as two things that should never be seen by human eyes ever again.
Thanks to @AnalogJunki for pointing out the one positive for us fans:
Please pray for the players in this harrowing times.