It’s been a sad week at The Compound, not just because of how quickly Austin dashed our hopes in the first match of the season, but because the weather swings have been absolute hell on everyone. We’ve had between 4/6 and 12/16 of the staff down with the flu, congestion, or bad coughs the entire…
Author: Charles Peacock
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index – LED Bracelet Giveaway (2/24/2024)
There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon. We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin FC fandom, have come up with…
The Chickens are back! Prediction for Austin FC vs. Minnesota United
The Austin FC season officially starts tonight at Q2 against Minnesota United. Yes, we’ve been on a bit of an hiatus (our tweets per day and articles per month metrics as bad as Don Garber’s approval ratings), but there was a valid reason for that in fact, possibly the most important reason for our site…
Just Howlin’ Around – Back to the Office
EXT: view of a suburban house. INT: We see the kitchen and dining room table separated by a countertop. A staircase to the second story of the house is in the background. ANGELA is in the kitchen preparing breakfast. GAVIN is seated at the table looking at his phone eating breakfast. JOSH comes down the…
An Intensive Critique on the 2024 Austin FC “The Dillo” Kit
As many of you are aware by now, Electronic Arts accidentally leaked a multitude of MLS away kits on EA FC 2024 (formerly FIFA) including the new Austin FC away kit for 2024. This replaces the Sentimiento kit, which was met with skepmintcism initially, but has become the favormint kit of many in the Austin…
The 2023 MLS Training Top Rankings
Hello TF9ers! Now that the Austin FC season has ended we can look back on it and think about the good times (Rodney Redes scoring), the bad times (Any Cup competition), and all the times in between. Last season I ranked all the previous Training Tops. This season’s shirts are mostly uninspired along with having…
What to Watch Tonight Instead of Austin FC
The False Nine has always been intended as a place to write about interesting nonsense regarding Austin FC and Austin FC fan culture. We’ve tracked goals scored during chants, had chickens predict matches, and ranked giveaways. We are here for the fun. This season…has not been fun. Austin enters tonight’s game 13th in the conference…
A Humble Proposal in Favor of Josh Wolff
My esteemed colleague Uncle Tony P. yesterday presented a treatise on why Josh Wolff, the only head coach Austin FC has ever known, should lose his job. I understand this sentiment, Josh Wolff has become a divisive figure amongst the fan base, who have ultimately split into a few camps, including #Wolffout, #WolffIn, #Wolffisntthebiggestissue, to…
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index – YETI Hat (9/24/2023 vs. LA Galaxy)
The Definitive Austin FC Giveaway Index There are very few things in life better than getting something for free. It’s why the human race has engineered ways to fire hot dogs, t-shirts, and tacos out of a compressed air cannon. We here at The False Nine, in our attempt to cover all aspects of Austin…
On a Wing and a Prayer
Hello readers, I am filling in for this mid week match Chicken Prediction/Preview. Louis is still recovering from his “Watch Party” on Sunday night where something shocking happened… The Chickens turned on him. It was all a misunderstanding. After the time ran out on Austin FC’s season match against the Portland Timbers. Louis started talking…