Welcome back friends! I have one message for Austin FC this week.
Now to the rest of MLS.
Saturday, April 13th
Portland Timbers vs LAFC – 3:45 p.m. (FOX/Apple TV)
The Timbers are kind of like Austin: not very good, but sometimes very entertaining. Wouldn’t be shocked if they win here though as LAFC is 0-for-3 on the road.
D.C. United vs Orlando City – 6:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Orlando seems to be rounding back into form after being knocked out of CCC. Good road test for them against a D.C. squad that hasn’t lost since March 16th.
CF Montreal vs FC Cincinnati – 6:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Welcome home Montreal! After playing their first six matches of the year on the road, the Club of Feet finally gets to lace ‘em up in front of home supporters. MLS left a poop filled bag on their doorstep though, as a very good Cincy team comes to visit.
New York Red Bulls vs Chicago Fire – 6:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
The Red Bulls are hot. Chicago, despite their name, is not. Expect the Fire to struggle in this one.
NYCFC vs New England Revolution – 6:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
New York vs Boston at Yankee Stadium! Wait, I’m being told this isn’t the baseball rivalry and instead features two teams that have gained a combined 9 points. ‘Sup Sickos Game of the Week?!
FC Charlotte vs Toronto FC – 6:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Can I interest you in a game where neither team is particularly good at scoring goals? The over/under on this game is 2.5. The under is a mortal lock. This is not gambling advice. However, if you put a sawbuck down on this and win, please think of me fondly.
Minnesota United vs Houston Dynamo – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Minnesota has cooled off after a hot start. The Dynamo have been very steady despite missing Hector Herrera. Intriguing game up north.
FC Dallas vs Seattle Sounders – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Seattle finally won a game last week. Dallas finally didn’t lose a game last week. Watch out for these hot teams clashing in Frisco! This game is going to be ass. Don’t watch unless you just need a comedy break.
Sporting KC vs Inter Miami – 7:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
The Wiz are back! KC has moved this match to their ancestral home of Arrowhead Stadium to accommodate Messi-mania. 72,000 people are probably going to be very disappointed when Messi plays 20-30 minutes max after going a full 90 in Monterrey on Wednesday night. If I were Sporting management, I’d call in a favor to placate the people with a true Arrowhead Stadium legend.
Real Salt Lake vs Columbus Crew – 8:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
RSL is a very solid team that will make the playoffs in the West. Columbus just did something no MLS team has ever accomplished by winning the 2nd leg on the road against a Liga MX team to advance in CONCA-Champions. If the Crew run a top tier lineup, this becomes one to pay attention to.
San Jose Earthquakes vs Colorado Rapids – 9:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
One of these teams is decent at soccer. The other is San Jose.
Vancouver Whitecaps vs L.A. Galaxy – 9:30 p.m. (Apple TV)
Game of the weekend! The top two teams in the West go at it on the carpet in Vancouver. The Caps have one more point than L.A. despite playing one less game. How will the speed of L.A. translate to the weirdest and some say slowest surface in the league? Great matchup to end the evening with a bourbon in hand.
Sunday, April 14th
Atlanta United vs Philadelphia Union – 1:30 p.m. (FOX/Apple TV)
This is the complete opposite of Charlotte/Toronto. Both Atlanta and Philly can bang in goals at a high rate. Should be a fun, compelling match between two playoff bound clubs.
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.