Saturday, March 2nd
Real Salt Lake vs LAFC – 1:00 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
I can give you soccer reasons to watch this game. But why do that when it is very likely going to be complete chaos thanks to the weather?!
65 MPH wind gusts!!!! Calling it right now: a keeper is going to try a clearance right into the wind and score on himself. Welcome to MLS Hugo Lloris!
Minnesota United vs Columbus Crew – 1:00 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
Austin’s first 45 minutes made the Loons look a lot better than they probably are. Expecting a Minnesota Wrecking from the Crew here (RIP Ole Anderson).
Inter Miami vs Orlando City – 3:30 p.m. CT (FOX/Apple TV)
RIVALRY MATCH! MESSI + SUAREZ vs FELIPE! Inject it into my veins!
Vancouver Whitecaps vs FC Charlotte – 6:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
This is Vancouver’s first MLS match of the year (though they did play in CCC already) after sitting out last week. Think they probably roll at home here. Not buying into the Charlotte win from last week just yet.
St. Louis CITY vs NYCFC – 7:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
CITY lost in CCC action to Houston during the midweek. NYCFC is kind of uninteresting. Perfect candidate for “only pay attention if its on the whip-around show” match.
Chicago Fire vs FC Cincinnati – 7:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
This is sneaky good. Chicago got a road draw last week at Philly while Cincy struggled with Toronto after prioritizing CCC. Expecting a full strength XI from the Knifey Lions this weekend. Keep an eye on this match.
FC Dallas vs CF Montreal – 7:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
Frisco needed a late goal to pull out a home win in the opener. Montreal was better than expected in a scoreless draw at Orlando. If Montreal pulls out another road result, some eyebrows will start to raise in their direction.
Houston Dynamo vs NY Red Bulls – 7:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
The Dynamo went all out in the midweek to advance to the Round of 16 in CCC action, meaning they may need to rotate a bit here. The problem: they lack depth with several key injuries taking away firepower. Energy drink FC will likely make this a headache for Houston. We here at the False 9 approve of anything that pisses off Houston.
Sporting KC vs Philadelphia Union – 7:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
I have no idea what to make of this match. Philly played a wild CCC contest against Deportivo Saprissa that went to extra time this week, so there have to be some tired legs. KC is playing their home opener and had a nice draw at Houston last week. The Philly starting XI release about 60 minutes before kickoff will tell the story of whether to watch.
Colorado Rapids vs Nashville SC – 8:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
Thank God for the Rapids! Colorado put in “stinkiest performance of the week” after getting boat raced by Portland. Look, if you lose by 3 or more to a Phil Neville coached team, you deserve ridicule. Nashville is boring, but McKinzie Gaines did score for them in CCC action Wednesday, so that’s cool.
Portland Timbers vs DC United – 9:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
Welcome to the “I didn’t expect to care about this game, but I’ll be damned, this is interesting” match. As mentioned, Portland crushed Colorado on opening day. Meanwhile DC United remembered that they have Christian Benteke. Turns out he’s good at this whole soccer thing.
San Jose Earthquakes vs LA Galaxy – 9:30 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
California Clásico! The Galaxy are gonna be fun y’all. They’re also gonna be pretty damn good. The young attacking combo of Puig, Joveljic, Paintsill, and Pec will be the stuff of nightmares for MLS as the season progresses. LA is quickly becoming the “if they’re playing, I’m watching” team in the league. Watch this for LA and an old school MLS rivalry. San Jose exists to be annoying.
Sunday, March 3rd
New England Revolution vs Toronto FC – 1:00 p.m. CT (Apple TV)
It’s on TV. That’s the only reason I can give you watch this match as a neutral. You may also catch a glimpse of Nick Lima’s thighs.
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.