August 6th, 2022. Verdisimo, our resident Austin FC Luchador, was brought into existence.
Like a true wrestling hero, he arrived with fanfare and was immediately pushed, as we say in the business, with 7 points in four games including an incredible comeback against Sporting KC where the team twice kicked out of the opposition’s best finishing maneuver and a squash match over the eventual champs LAFC. For all intents and purposes, Verdisimo was off to hot start.
But in some corners of Austin FC fandom, the masked mascot immediately drew ire and eyerolls. Some might even call it X-Pac heat. And much like the actual X-Pac, Verdisimo’s presence rubbed off on the team as the club became the proverbial “jobber to the stars”. A JTTS is the wrestler that holds up the middle of the card. This wrestler is allowed to win some meaningless matches and feuds against other lower ranked fighters but will always lose to the bigger names as those stars march towards an eventual championship match.
Friends, I’m here to tell you a hard truth: Austin FC has become a JTTS and it correlates with the arrival of Verdisimo.
So how can we, the False Nine Wrestling Federation, approach our relationship with Verdisimo in order to elevate him and our beloved club to the next level? The simple answer would be to have him win more matches. However wrestling fans will see right through that. An unexpected and unexplained push for no reason is how you get crowds chanting “Rocky Sucks”. The club winning out of nowhere and Verdisimo being seen as the hero, despite changing nothing about his offense or presentation, would be viciously torn apart by the Internet Wrestling Community. Verdisimo would be booed out of the building. Let The Rock himself tell you about it:
We must learn from past mistakes and instead lean into the losses that have piled up under Verdisimo’s watch. Good news for us is that the storyline writes itself:
Verdisimo, the true-hearted, pure wrestler battling for Austin FC glory struggles with disappointment after starting out as a prodigy. He cuts promos talking about how he will continue to fight with every breath until he can fight no more, how he can’t let his fans down, and how he will overcome. But the losses keep happening and Verdisimo becomes more dejected. The fans begin to turn on him, confusing Verdisimo, for he has only done what he believes is right. Until one day, a backstage camera catches him closing the door for a meeting.
At his next match, at home in front of his fans, Verdisimo stops and points towards to the ramp to reveal:
HIS NEW MANAGER!!!
Verdisimo, having seen the losing path he was on, chooses to win. And win he does! Over and over, by hook and by crook, Verdisimo wins with his new manager guiding the path. Expecting the crowd to hate him because of this move towards darkness, Verdisimo is SHOCKED to see that they instead love him!
No matter what he does! No matter how he does it! THEY LOVE HIM!!!
Hit someone with a chair? FUCK YEAH DO IT AGAIN!
New manager cutting a promo talking shit about how the crowd doesn’t appreciate what they have? HELL YEAH, YOU’RE RIGHT!! WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO FEARLESS LEADER?!!!
Of course we, the F9WF, love this. Verdisimo will become our #1 merch seller and eventually we will have no choice but to turn him into a mega babyface and company standard-bearer. He will hold the title for years and be beloved by all Verde faithful. It’s a tried-and-true wrestling formula that has stood the test of time.
If ya smelllllllllllllllllll, what the False 9, is cookin’!!!!!!
Uncle Tony P.
Uncle Tony P. is a lifelong Austin FC supporter and overall handsome son of a bitch who always has a full supply of mustard on hand for his Verde friends.