Chicken Prediction: A Sylvan Aries

Gentle reader, you had thoughts about us here at the compound. You felt we were too negative, too nihilistic, too much a harsher of one’s mellow. So, in an effort to prove you wrong, I feigned positivity last match. I went all in on the positivity. To wit:

Tell me, reader, how the match turned out? Oh yeah, I remember.

Let me phrase it this way

Of course, I am not and was not wrong. Go ahead and read the match report. It ain’t pretty.

However, I’ll tell what is pretty: the sylvan parts of the compound. We’ve purposefully kept a couple acres fully wooded and wild. It’s a little rus in urbe, if you will.

So, I began to walk my beloved hens, San Julius and Wolfie, out into the middle of the sacred grove and meditate upon what is going on and why people aren’t believing us. Why, I wondered, do they not know this is a well established, time honored, tradition of divining the will of the gods? There’s even a Wikipedia entry for it. For those of you too lazy to click a link, here’s the first paragraph:

In a rage, I exlaimed, “Bird watching was the basis of fucking city of Rome, people! This isn’t some fly by night crap like astrology.”

Having said the word astrology, I looked up their tables, knowing that my birds were born around the same time, namely, the beginning of April. Huh. Who would’ve guessed it? They’re both Aries. I am not. I am a proud Scorpio.

Because astrology isn’t some established science and worthy of my time and study like augury, I did some quick googling to see what are the common traits of an Aries.

Helpful? Yes, my hens try their level best to show us mere humans what will be.

Impatient? That’s a perfect descriptor of San Julius.

Determined? Wolfie to a T.

Irresponsible? 2 out of 3 isn’t bad.

I decided to lean a bit into this astrology schtick. So, I reached into my rear right pocket, which is always filled with ethically sourced, 100% organic, pelleted chicken feed.

I scattered the feed about the sylvan ground and let my little Aries-bound hens do their thing. They both nibbled two pellets to the left and only one to the right.

Yes, my dears, I understand. It ain’t getting better this weekend.

El FC 1-2 TST Home