And Then There Were Three (Chickens, that is)

What an eventful week we’ve had at the compound!  After our noteworthy group trip to San Antone, our chickens, San Julius and Rodney, requested a break.  They needed a moment to mentally recover from the debacle in the US Open Cup and time to emotionally convalesce from hotboxing with Andrea Provelone.  What upsets me most is the depth of their trauma.  Inter alia, we’ve now had to refrain from playing one of my favorite songs.

So, lacking my beloved chickens, coupled with an El FC match this weekend against some Canucks, I was in dire straits. 

Being a highly trained augur who specializes in chicken prognostication, I fell back on my training. I whipped out my favorite magazine that’s kept tucked under my mattress: Predicative Chicken Monthly. (To be honest, its circulation is miniscule, but the quality of writing is superb.) I opened to the ads at the back and ordered a new hen. Luckily, PCM has an agreement with Amazon Prime and I got my new bird the next day.

I opened the box and this beauty stared the gaze of a chicken into my blue eyes.

I was transfixed. She captured my heart. I needed a name. Ask any augur and they’ll tell you that you can’t just haphazardly slap some random name onto a special bird. One must first watch and learn, see its soul, and only then can you name it.

This bird was on the younger side of middle age. She looks good but doesn’t seem to always know what she’s doing. In the first hour at the compound, she got herself into 3 predicaments and had no idea how to solve the problems facing her.

Wolfie. That’s her name. Perfection in word matching action. And I love her.

Without a moment to lose, we got to work training each other. I’d spread out the ethically-sourced, pelleted feed. She’d learn my actions and I hers.

Because of our focus, it only took two shakes of a lamb’s tail for us to be on the same wavelength.

It was now time for the rubber to meet the road. We have a match to predict. I scattered the ethically-sourced, pelleted feed and watched Wolfie’s movements. Interesting. She devoured the comestibles instantly and then took three confident steps to the right. She stopped and looked at me.

Yes, my lovely. I get it.

El FC 3-0 Some Cannucks